Thursday, 28 January 2010

Muffin Rage

First up, welcome to my new follower Lauren! Yes…I still have few enough followers to notice and yes, I’m still grateful that new people find my ramblings interesting enough to warrant subscribing to! Just you wait till I’m Diva Queen of the blogging, sup up the appreciation now people, sup it up :D

So....I’ve managed to drag my diseased arse into work today. I did a google search and found that viral laryngitis isn’t infectious, so…although I resemble a toddler with chicken pox and sound like a horny toad….if I feel well enough I can go into work without the fear of infecting everybody.

Whilst sitting mournfully at my computer, lamenting the fact that I wasn’t having tea made for me every few minutes, an email popped up from the Wiluf, entitled ‘coffee break’.

This could only be good news, coffee break alone is good news.


‘Coconut cupcakes with messy icing anybody?’

Ah, my day just got sunnier…unlike the weather outside that window over yonder. Unfortunately, he sent this email about an hour prior to coffee break, so I was left pining, Wilf is sadistic in this manner. These cupcakes qualify Wilfy for the Sugardoll (so masculine) award I gave him a month or so ago, well done Wilf, he doesn’t normally dabble in sweet baking.

Now, I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned Gregs violent ire towards home-baked goods. We first noticed it in relation to Bruces muffins.

Every now and again Bruce bakes some muffins at the weekend and brings what remains into work on a Monday (or Tuesday if he’s being particularly forgetful). They’re usually blueberry, although we’ve been treated to double chocolate chip muffins and pecan muffins in the past.

As soon as Greg spies the Tupperware box or telltale foil, the eyes start to roll, the upper lip curls and he begins making curious grunting sounds, it reminds me rather of an amorous elephant seal…..especially when he starts thrashing from side to side in his apopleptic rage.

Poor old Bruce on his lonesome, unaccompanied by Tupperware or tinfoil does not normally illicit such a response, it could only be the muffins. Was it muffins specifically? Muffin-oriented rage? We soon found out when Bruce branched out one weekend and brought in a gorgeous carrot cake he’d made.

Same response, and the same response again when Wilfred brought something or another in. It seems it’s not limited to sweet goods either, savoury is just as bad in Greg’s book, if it’s homemade, it’s vile.

One day we decided to ask him what he has against homemade goods, why the fight or flight response? The answer he gave was oh so telling.

‘I don’t know what you filthy bastards have put in them, you could have put anything in there!! Did you wash your hands? I bet you put pubes in it!! I bet you put your bell-end in it!’

(That last remark was directed at Wilf…I’m not hiding anything from you dear readers)

Anyone who knows even a modicum of psychology will recognise this for what it is. I don’t know the official term for it, but basically, he knows exactly what he’d do if be made something for us, and he’s accusing us of returning the favour.

The result being that we’re bringing in more and more homemade stuff purely to annoy him, and that we will NEVER EVER eat anything that Greg has made…..ever, especially if it was made in THAT saucepan…… know what I’m talking about Greg.

I’m not sure I understand the reasoning. He’s perfectly happy to chow down on all kinds of store bought goods, the making of which has been supervised by countless strangers…many of which are probably disenchanted with their jobs at the Heinz/Kipling/Birdseye factory and expressing it in….creative(?) ways. Yet he won’t touch treats lovingly crafted by hand from scratch by people who…for some reason…like him.

I hope he’s not eating anything being produced by Cadbury at the moment…totally against his ethos.

It’s his loss anywhoo as Wilfreds cupcakes were delicious! As I was nomming one, I found a surprise glace cherry lurking inside. Apparently the recipe had called for a glace cherry to be popped on top before the cupcakes went in the oven, but when Wilf pulled them out of the oven they had all sunk into the cakes. I think he should name them Coconut Cupcake Surprise!

There were quite a few…so I’m hoping for another helping this afternoon (I already had 2 this morning!!). I’ll be watching out for bell-end prints on my mug of tea though…..and people wonder why I drink my tea so scalding hot!

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