SURPRISE!!

A lot of you will know that my dearest darling sister organised surprise leaving drinkies for me this Friday. A lot of you will know because you probably recieved the message that she sent around to almost everybody in my phonebook! Raped and pillaged my mobile she did.

Apparently it was also all over Facebook, how I managed to miss it I have NO idea, clearly I'm not nosy enough!

Friday was excellent, I arrived at the pub under the impression that I was meeting a 6ft 4 policeman and his mates for a pub crawl (care of Wilf Porkie Enterprises) and found two tables full of a completely random assortment of lovely lovely people.

Caroline, Choy, Uma and Viv were there from the zoo, Bruce and Chris from work, my old housemate Steve, Wilfy and Jo who had got me to the pub in the first place, and of course the lovely Nicki were all waiting to surprise me! There were balloons and there was cake and nibbles and lots and lots of booze. There was also an exceptionally excellent white vest being passed around that people were writing messages on. I'm taking it with me and using it as a sleeping top....should be a bit of an ice breaker in the good ole dorm rooms.

After a while, Nicki recieved a phone call from someone who was coming, but neither of us recognised his number. He was described as having an indian accent and for the life of me I could not think of who it might be, until I saw Julio wandering through the pub. That would explain why I couldn't think who it was, he speaks with a very strong Spanish accent! Julio is a painter decorator that we've had in a couple of times to do some jobbies at work. He's absolutely lovely and proceeded to plonk himself at the bar with his mate, from this position he held court with all the ladies and purchased tequilas with wild abandon.

And later on the lovely Kayleigh and Tom turned up, by which point most of us were pleasantly pickled....apart from Steve who was driving...poor Steve.

The whole evening was excellent, Viv was totally on form. She gives the impression of being a very kindly, sweet and benign lady, which she totally is.......and then she gets her hands on the wine. She came out with some absolute gems and took a bit of a shine to our Steve ;), grabby grabby, NORTY Viv!! She certainly helped make the evening, I think I'm a little bit in love.

There were a couple of persistent themes of the evening, the first being spillage of wine! I don't think anyone got away without being splashed by wine at some point in the evening. I was sporting a particularly spectacular purple stain...very chic.

The second theme was JENGA! Perhaps contrary to expectations, as the evening wore on and we became slightly the more worse for wear...we actually got better at Jenga, check this baby out! WIN!


Cake was lovely and booze was lovely and company was excellently lovely lovely. When we got chucked out of the Castle, Kayleigh, Tom, Jo and I moved onto somewhere in Angel for a drinky....but being CONSIDERABLY inebriated by this point, it didn't last too long and soon Jo and I were headed for the nightbus.

We were woken up halfway home by a kindly man who took pity on us and let us know we were being booted off and onto another bus. We must have been a picture of beauty and gorgeousness. Faces squished up against the windows, snoring (probably not gently). I'm impressed he had the guts to approach.

Home for CHIKIN.......and the next thing I know I woke up on the sofa at about 5am.

All the signs of an excellent night I think! Thank you Nicki for organising such a lovely evening, thank you to Jo and Wilf for propelling me in the right direction and thank you to all those who came along to wish me well on my travels. I haz a big love for all of you :o)

Please....take a peek at the photies, these are in order....more evidence for why drinking is bad. There's distinct deterioration!

Nicki fails at Jenga!

Such concentration

Cheers!

Mmm, sexah Jenga pose

The lovely Julio

Tastes good

Hee hee, fab evening guys xxx

Hey Kayleigh....Remember This?

Why I shouldn't drink - exhibit A

That's me licking wood....apparently. Kayleigh, she's such an artist she is. She's the sculptor of the magnificent hairstyle I'm sporting here.

Magnificent

Equally magnificent is the gift Kayleigh bestowed upon me, from her trip to Falmouth.

Behold!

My wonderful new plastic dolphin is now gracing the office along with all my other office tat.

Kayleigh also showed me how to use macro on my camera last night....I can't tell you how excited I am about that. I can't believe I didn't know I could do it, but now I do and I haz a happy.

Well.....I can only apologise for this post. I'll do better soon. I promise!

Do NOT Want!!

VIAGRA!

Pfizer...or whoever you REALLY are, get it through your thick skull!

I've actually set up a filter to send these to junkmail, and ever since I did that I seem to be getting even more. I wish I'd never bothered.

I suspect they're trying the chinese water torture method, eventually the correct area of my brain will be eroded away and I'll buy all their Viagra....or rather, send my credit card details out into the ether for the enjoyment of the criminal underworld.

Won't they be upset when they discover my pathetic credit limit..of which there's nothing left to spend...*snort*

Have you ever had one of those days?

It's one of those days today, when I sit and contemplate what I've actually done.

I've spent most of the morning diluting 100% ethanol down into various alcoholic concentrations. Later on I'll spend most of the afternoon using this diluted alcohol to get a load of earthworms really pissed.

This is true.

I've spent the rest of the morning wandering around switching ten computers on and off, twiddling knobs and dials, and desperately hunting down stray glass beakers (because I took the key to the cupboard where the beakers live home by accident.....and I need beakers). Beakers are surprisingly difficult to herd.

The rest of the day I've spent mostly drinking tea, eating malteasers...and otherwise generally attempting to consume my own bodyweight in calories.

Looking forward to a Nando's (yip yippee) with the sibling and a few pints with the bessie mate later this evening. What a lovely start to the weekend!

Now.....where are those worms.......?

In Betweeny

I just had to go back and check what I said about Julian cos I gave him my blog address today (hi Julian!)

Turns out it was nothing interesting, that's just boring!! He had on a lovely flowery shirt today, left his beanie at home (which he'll regret when he ventures out this evening....owie), vegetarian as he can't digest meat (collective 'ahhhhhhhhhhh').

Smells slightly of....pickled onions and beer. Nice bum.

You can give me that £5 tomorrow Julian, I won't usually say people smell of pickled onions and beer, it doesn't come cheap.

I'll be back a bit later on with the catch-up on Day 5. I can almost feel your anticipation. We've been released early today because it's the Practitioners exam tomorrow and we need to revise.....ahem.

The catch-up will come later because we haven't had dinner yet and I have to regale you with tales of the culinary delights. Apparently it's gammon, dauphinoise potatoes and courgettes......or veggie curry.

I'll have a quick sniff and a poke of the gammon before I decide.

Day 4 - Foundation Exam and DRINKS

Today was the foundation exam...I was quietly confident after the two mocks, but as soon as we were sat in the room and the paper was in front of me.....SHITE!! What am I doing here? I know nothing!! NOTHING!!

I felt betrayed.

Two mocks....and the questions in the paper were nothing like those in the mocks. I mean...I didn't expect the questions to come up again, but these questions weren't even in the same kind of format. Completely different.

I'd completed the mocks in less than the allotted hour, with time to check, and then go out and grab tea and coffee to wait for the end. THIS time I was there scribbling right till the end.

Yes...this is a multiple choice. One of those jobbies where you have an answer sheet with circles that you block out so someone can stick a grid over the top and mark...or push them through a computer which will count them. What you don't take into account is how long it takes you to fill in those silly circles with the stoopid mechanical pencil they give you!!

Anywhoo.

We all left the room at the end. With the foundation, the trainer marks them there and then and you get the results half an hour later.

Stood around in the coffee room, it was clear that everyone felt the same way as me. No one came out of that exam in a positive frame of mind. Arms crossed, fingers and feet tapping, moaning, groaning, staring at the ceiling. It was possibly one of the worst 25 minutes of my life. I've never had the experience of having to wait for the results of a pregnancy test....but I imagine it'd feel the same way.

We were called back in, and given our results on the back of little post-it notes. I was given my post-it note.

Becki....it said on the front....I held it between the palsm of my warm little mittens for a while before summoning up the guts to turn it over and look at my result:

54!!

Thank Frack for that......phew.....

The highest mark was 68, and only one guy failed, we all felt for him. He has to retake tomorrow morning before doing the practitioners exam on Friday....shitehouses.

Afterwards we were given our homework for tonight, and in true Becki style, I decided a trip to the bar was in order instead. I dragged Brian along with me...he didn't need much persuasion in all honesty.

We were soon joined by Andrew, then Chris and Mark...etc etc, until we had a little crowd going. Then Alex turned up and bought me another. 2 pints and I haven't had any since Sunday...that's a long time for me.

Roastie dinner...mmmmm

And now I'm back in my room...post-beer fug, blogging and thinking...I should do some homework. I think what I'll do now is....drink lot's of water and get up early tomorrow to do my homework. The past few days I've been getting up at 7am, having brekkie and in the training room by 8am (training doesn't start till 9), but seeing as someone is doing their exam we can't get in till 9.

Up drinking beer and doing homework in the morning.

Becki is back on form ladies and gents...

Sprogs Guide to finding and keeping a man

My god I feel like a right mingerling this morning, I know why I drink beer not wine :(

Anyway, enough of that whinging, my own fault after all.

Last night, whilst consuming a mediocre (by our standards) quantity of wine, Jo and I got to reflecting...as we often do...on our state of singleness. It's a constant source of confusion to us, I mean....why? Lovely young ladies such as ourselves! I thought I'd jot down a few thoughts.

Here is a list of things we think will make men love us:

- Stalking them through every technological medium possible. It's not enough unless you're friends with them on facebook, Myspace, Bebo and Hi5. You must be following them on Twitter and have managed to convince THEM to follow YOU on Twitter. Their webpage/blog must be in your internet history, their mobile number on your phone...for those ill-advised late night embarrassments. Their call history MUST evidence a series of 'missed calls', and they must have at least one text you sent them 'accidentally'. On MSN you must contact them within 5 seconds of their logging on.

- You must at all times be displaying an inordinate amount of cat-fuzz upon your person. It shows you are an animal lover and that your immune system is STRONG thereby making you a favourable bearer of children.

- You must at every opportunity demonstrate your magnificent capacity for beer. There is nothing a man likes more than a woman who can sink 5 pints without blinking and then stagger to the toilet, rebounding off the walls less than four times in total.

- Every conversation must have a reference to sex in it, just so that the men-folk know you're a little bit desperate and well up for it. Men are slightly dim and so if they don't get the hint, start accompanying said references with seductive winks. This works up until about pint No.4 when you lose your sense of coordination and start to resemble a horny mole, emerging, blinking into the sunlight.

- You must eat Domino's at least once a week so there's always that intriguing fug of garlic around you. Plus it keeps the vampires away.

Once we have said man, these are the things we must do to keep him:

- Text, call, msn and email constantly. Start a fun poking war on Facebook.

- Go through his phone and delete all his female friends phone numbers. You must be stealthy, start with the ones you don't think he'll miss and work from there. Make sure you get the ones he's slept with....which is clearly all of them.

- Introduce yourself to his mother, eventually you'll be such firm friends that you can go round and have tea together and wait for him to come home from work. Men love this.

- Get him to make friends with your cat, even if he doesn't love you, he'll be heart-broken at having to leave the animal.

- Start taking things from his house and bringing them to yours. It's not thieving, it's nesting, and it'll make him feel wonderfully at home in YOUR home. And then you'll get married.

I could go on, but I shan't, I don't want to give away all my tricks now do I??!!

Can anyone hazard a guess as to why Becki and Jo are still single? I'm not sure what we're doing wrong.

Now.....where's that cat?

Epic Fedora Fever - Pub Crawl....The Pictures

Oh yes, enough of the misery and drama of the last couple of posts. I DO believe it is time for the photographic evidence of Fridays shennanigans.

Now, it wasn't quite the drunken extravaganza we've had in the past, I think partly because a couple of us had partners there...that does change the group dynamic somewhat I've found. But we didn't all have partners there because no matter how many times or how sweetly I asked Wilerf to 'be my boyfwand??' he wouldn't do it!! Gah!!

However!!! Poor Neil decided to turn up in a fedora that he'd bought in Madrid during the week (disclaimer, it may not be a fedora...but for the sake of ease...I don't care :D). Of course, at some point in the evening, this turned into the ideal opportunity for some semi-drunken photos:

This is Ann, Gregs long-suffering wife :D

Greg, looking decidedly less elegant than Ann

Wilf, looking cheeky

Neil, looking suave and happy to have his hat back....even if only for a second...

Linda, looking very cool!! She should have picked one up herself

And me...just being me! :D

Here's a pic of the lot of them, minus me of course!!

There are a few quite funny ones that I haven't put up anywhere yet! But maybe I should ask for permission first ha ha!! For now, here's a little selection of the crawl......

Greg swigging Sam Smiths wheat beer at the Princess Louise

Wilf looking decidedly unimpressed at his cognac being served in a wine glass, at the Seven Stars

Very orderly arrangement of bottle at the Wellington outside Waterloo....I couldn't resist a picture

The Bunk-Bed-Booths at the Bangalore! Yippee!! Did feel slightly for those dining below us though....blessem.

The day after the night before

I did pretty well I think, didn't consider myself too pissed to go home to my parents on my own, rather than trolling back to the Stow with Linda and Neil, dependent on being physically held up and slapped every now and again to maintain conciousness. I bimbled back to Croydon on the train and didn't even fall asleep!

So that's good!!

I spent a good portion of the crawl initially feeling a bit ill and hoping I wouldn't bring up the lovely baguette I'd had for lunch. I think I underestimate the effect my diet is having on the size of my stomach and appetite. The beer was just sitting on top of baguette and half a pint of milk...niiiiice!! That subsided later on by the time Anne, Linda and Neil had turned up, it seems Guinness settles my stomach somewhat, I TOLD everyone it was medicinal.....genius.

I do have some pictures which I'll post up here for you once I'm back on a computer that I'm pretty sure won't muller my memory card or photies.

We went for an Indian at the end of the night, has anyone been to Bangalore outside of Waterloo Station? It's awesome in there. When we walked in I spotted a set of booths on the righthand side. There were 4 or 5 booths along the wall, and then another row above them in bunk-bed style, so you had to climb a ladder to get up into the top ones. In true drunk style I immediately started wailing like a small toddler-banshee that I wanted to go 'Up there!! Up there!!!' They gave in and we scuttled up the ladder, where I proceeded to hang off the ladder taking photos from weird angles etc. I must have been the most fun EVER!!

We all had thali, which was larvely, although I couldn't finish all mine, I think Neil polished it off for me, that dude can sure pack it away.

All in all it was another very enjoyable afternoon, and, thanks to a late night msn chat, I stayed awake long enough to guzzle plenty of water, so there was no horrendous gross hangover this morning.

Excellenté

Bank Holiday Pub Crawl Fun

What are we all up to this bank holiday? I'm just grateful not to be at the zoo on a hot bank holiday shouting at the squiggle minkiez, and I now have some fun and games planned for the weekend.

Tomorrow, the Gruesome Foursome are taking the afternoon off and crawling the traditional crawl, the 'Original' crawl. Last time I made a map up to show you the all new 'Southbank' crawl, and so I thought I'd sit down and make a map of the 'Gruesome Foursome's Original Crawl'. I tell you what, we really were crawling by the end too!

So here it is:


View Holborn Pubcrawl in a larger map

Key:

Green equals optional, we don't always visit these pubs
Blue equals our traditional stops, ones we always stop at
Yellow equals a one or the other, we usually stop at either the Kings Arms or the Hole in the Wall....or both on dangerous occasions
Red stands for danger, we have been known to get a bit overenthused in our intoxicated states and stumble into extra establishments. These are those.

So, the list of pubs is as follows:

The Lamb, traditional starting/ending place for work Christmas parties
The Princess Louise which serves Sam Smiths, very nice, and very cheap. I have a penchant for the wheat beer. Lovely pub with snugs all round the bar.
The Ship Tavern, a little hidden out of the way, but nice
Bar Polska, just across from the ship, nice raspberry vodka and a big cock painted on the wall
The Seven Stars, good venue for a bit of Welsh singing we've found, a little pokey, but nice atmosphere
Ye Old Cheshire Cheese, fabulous place, full of character, very dingy but lots of little nooks and crannies. Just watch your head on those low ceilings and winding staircases.
The Blackfriar, can be really busy, although last time was Christmas, nice pub
Doggetts Coat and Badge, ahh, features in most of our crawls, serves a strange looking green beer
Kings Arms, forgive me, I remember not much by this point
Hole in the Wall, just what it says...a hole. By this point we're usually so drunk we're just muttering, or dancing to no music etc etc.

Optional Extras

The Windmill Tavern, lovely pub I seem to remember, apologies to the patrons for the last time we were there
The Wellington, a big place outside Waterloo, again, I don't remember too much, it's big though......

So yes, we sometimes skip the Lamb and move straight onto the Princess Louise, although we've never got there in time to snag a snug, we're always ousted to the public domain :(. Probably mainly because we always end up there on a Friday payday!

We sometimes miss out the Polish Bar too, if we're in a hurry. We say that it's either the Kings Arms or the HITW, but generally, we always seem to end up in the HITW for one...regardless of if we've been to the Kings Arms or not, and we almost always make tits of ourselves.

Here are a couple of snaps from the first time we did this crawl, I may have some more for you after this weekend :)

My Oggers

Me this morning.

This post is going to be a short but disgusting love-in I'm afraid, get yer vom-bags ready.

My lovely Oggers has been caringly supporting me through a recent financial drought, and enabling me to maintain my aquired socialising-related alcohol dependency. She never seems to tire of throwing money at me for beer or pizza..........or cabs home after beer and pizza. I'd have told me to feck right off by now and found some financially solvent friends.

I'm going to treat my Oggers next month, I've already told her that she's staring down the barrel of a BOGOF Subway....with all the trimmings, Sproglet doesn't scrimp, oh no. I might stretch to a cookie for afters too :D

She's a lucky girl that one. I bet the anticipation is killing her.

Thank you for being fab and generous and gorgeous and all round lovely Oggers :o) And thank you for my pizza á la Domino last night! Love you long time xxx

Epic Diet FAIL!!!!

Oh the horror the horror!! This should go on saladcake really but what the hey? :o)

I knew the pubcrawls would be my downfall, I knew it from the start. To give myself credit though, I think I did rather well considering, I did, however, consume more than half of my daily points over the top....in alcohol.

*shame*

It was going ok on the beer front, 2 pints and 2 bottles, 9 points in total and I'd been purposely saving during the week for this event, so I'd saved up 9 points already. Then in the last pub I had a pint and the Wiluf said he was hungry...this set my tummy rumbling too. Then he uttered those all important seductive words....'there's a Pizza Express round the corner'. Images of Legerra Gustosa flitted through my brain and I was beaten.

Linda went home at this point, not wanting to drink anymore and spoil her afternoons horse riding today, very sensible. The Wiluf and I pootled along to Pizza Express. We get strange looks in restaurants when we wander in together, the same strange looks that my dad and I get when we eat together. Those 'so what's going on here then?' kind of looks! You can see nosy ladies sneaking glances and trying to fathom out whether I'm a money-grabbing, gold-digging hussy, or if I'm a kindly young lady accompanying daddy out for dinner.....never occurs that it might be neither apparently.

I got a pizza cutter with my pizza! Result! I'm not sure what they do with these Leggera crusts but they're exceedingly tough. In my excitement at eating pizza and my impatience to stuff it into my gob I almost broke myself trying desperately to saw chunks off last time. We shared a bottle of vino....oh the points the POINTS!! Think of the points.

Just to top it all of I had a bloody pudding too..all was lost by that point anyway...whats the harm in a little frozen low-fat yoghurt eh?? After all....low fat dairy binds to fat and makes you poop more fat out....oh yes, I learn from telleh...yes I do. Fatty, alchoholic poop for the win!!


View Southbank crawl in a larger map

It was a fab night though, we started off at the Tattershall Castle, which was...as Linda suspected...a bit of a zoo on a Friday night. It's the one at Embankment on a boat. I looked it up earlier in the day on a pub website and under description it had 4 words:

'Pub on a boat'

Well done the editor.

We then moved on and wandered across the river, finding joy in walking through the pictures of stupid people trying to take pictures on a crowded bridge. The next place was the National Theatre Bar where Linda and I perved on barmen whilst Wilf bought some drinks. We hadn't managed to find a seat so we propped ourselves up at a standing table outside near the entrance, where we proceeded to pass judgement on the garments of passing innocents. As if we could talk, Linda and I aren't known best for our fashion conciousness.

Pub numero 3 was Doggetts, this place is now like a milestone, no matter what crawl we're on we have to pop in for one. It was uber busy and there were no seats outside again, until a troupe of drunken old dudes got up and wandered off. We made a rush but still got there at the same time as a bunch of others. Wiluf, being the gentleman that he is, stood whilst Linda and I threw ourselves into the 2 remaining seats...I'm not actually sure he had much choice, but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. They were serving some strange green stuff, which we were later reliably informed was named 'Green Beer'...imaginative. We were also told it tasted like shite...which probably explained the half full glasses littering many tables.

Next was the Founders Arms, Greg would have approved as it was a Youngs pub. We sat inside here, but it felt outsidey as all the window-walls appeared to open onto the decking outside. It were lovely it were, Wilf had a grump because the music was too loud and he didn't recognise it /insert age funny here :o). It was another zoo and we moved on pretty quickly from this place...even though the music was quite good.

The last pub before naughty pizza was The Anchor, it had all fairy lights on the outside, and I like sparkly things, oh yes I do. You had to walk for what seemed like forever to get to the loos, hidden away in a back room. We finally found a table here with 3 guys, who ran away about ten minutes after we arrived, I can't remember what we were talking about...but it's usually that which drives people away.

Twas lovely, lovely! I am now contemplating walking from home to Oxford Street on Tuesday, pre weigh-in :o)

Long walks and BEER!

Ahhh, weigh-in last night, not as good a news as it has been for the past 2 weeks, but a loss nonetheless :o)

We were wandering off to the pub for a birthday celebration later, but we had lots of time to kill in between. Being the cheapskate I am I had scoured the interwebz for buy one get one free Pizza Express vouchers. I'd been wanting to try the new Leggera pizza for ages. So we tootled off to the Express and I had the Gustosa, prosciutto ham, mozzarella, peppers and nom nom nomness!

Whilst chatting the usual shite over dinner, and attempting to remember exactly WHERE this pub was we were supposed to go to (ever organised), Oggers suggested walking to Oxford Street. My initial instinctive reaction was 'WHAT??' But we still had ages to kill, and after the split second of incredulity I realised that it would be good to work off the pizza and offset those beers we were setting up for.

In all, including a brief foray into Sainsburies for a card, and Burger King for a pee, we probably walked for just over an hour, that on top of the walk around Leyton shallow ponds the day before, Oggers and I are becoming quite the ramblers.

When we finally found the pub we realised how close it was to another pub we've been to once or twice....and I was pleasantly surprised to find it was a Sam Smiths! Not that it made much difference to my pocket, Oggers was very kindly treating me last night due to my being extremely destitute at the arse end of this month, but Sam Smiths is cheapy cheap :) It wasn't long before JennyMay and her merry men turned up, her mates are absolutely lovely, and we met her brother for the first time.

It was a lovely evening and only 3 pints, which is good by Oglet/Sproglet standards, still had a nasty headache this morning though, it's only just going away now *rolleyes*

Will I never learn??

Rant, rant, swear, rant!!

Oooooooooooh!! I definitely have a dose of the PMT this morning. I appear to be flying off the handle at very small things. I know exactly what I'm doing, and why, but I have no control over it whatsoever, grrr, grrrr, GRRRRR!!

I was remarkably placid on the journey into work today, despite the fun and games....no one had yet provoked my ire. The Victoria line is closed due to strike action and I had forgotten, luckily Katrin reminded me! (Housemate). So I pootled off to Walthamstow Central to get on a train to Liverpool Street. These trains were packed! They were packed when they arrived and people were squeezing themselves on like sardines, it was all very unnecessary. That might float some peoples boat, but it certainly doesn't float mine. I went off to get a bus which would take me the same way, and about 10 times slower, but it was EMPTY! So I didn't care :o)

Got to work an hour late, but I'm staying behind for an hour cos of St John so we're A-Ok.

Jo is CLEARLY a hex upon Get Happy at the Green Man, it was cancelled again last night due to lack of audience, in fact, Myself and Uncle Barry were the only audience there. I was quite disappointed myself, but only because I had agreed to be one comedians glamourous assistant, I didn't even get to put my sequins and feathers on :o(. So, the inevitable, we just started drinking. We met and hug out with a lovely Irish comedian named Simon, I don't think we ever caught the surname, and we all just drank beer and talked shite until we got thrown out. A good evening was had by all methinks.

Uncle Barry was very amusing I have to say!!

Many points over again I suspect, I'm going to have to do some exercise this week if I want to stay the same or lose anything, it's all going horiibly wrong. I blame that Oggers, she's a bad influence on me :o)

A week??

Since I last posted? Surely not! It doesn't seem that long ago, but then this week has been a packed manic week full of fun and shennannigans!

Wednesday was my first night of drinking since starting the old diet and I was dreading a big style fall off the dieting wagon. I met up with Kayleigh for a couple of wee drinkies and her boyfriend Tom...or Tomphibian as he is affectionately known, joined us halfway through the evening. Double G and slimline T was the order of the evening, and very nice it was too. Fun and merriness was had by all, they make a sickeningly cute couple! I left them to it at some point and got home before 10pm which I was vereh impressed with, plenty of water and off to bed and I felt no effects the next morning. I succeeded! Huzzah! This wasn't to last as you will find out later.

I have my St John divisional night on a Thursday and I'd had a call from my division leader earlier that week to make sure I was attending for radio training....so no getting out of it. Whenever someone hands me a radio I become immediately terrified, as if tiny monsters may crawl out, burrow into my ears and eat my brain. I just nod and pretend that, yeah, of course I know how to use it, then just hope against hope I never need to. Conveniently...they had forgotten to bring the radios, so this was all theory. A couple of questions after the training and that was it..we'd passed. Phew, thank gawd that's over. Little did I know....

Friday....what on earth happened Friday? Ah! It was mums birthday on Friday, and Mum and Dad's anniversary on the Tursday (which I had forgotten about). So we took the parentals out for dinner at fancypants Coombe Lodge. Actually, it's not that fancy, not compared to Fishpimps jaunt to the Ritz, it's a Beefeater. For us it's a bit fancy :o) Dinner was lovely and I was hyper in the extreme for some reason. I didn't get a dessert of my own for obvious reasons, I did however stick a finger into everyone elses dessert before they even touched it, the waitress was unimpressed, especially when I asked for a fourth spoon please :D

Saturday was one of the most exhausting days ever, surpassed only by the London Marathon (First Aid cover you understand) and a very busy zoo day. I did a 12 hour St John shift at Twickenham. It was the Guiness Cup final, the London Irish were playing the Leicester Tigers. Kick off wasn't until 5:30pm but there were lots of kids games before that, so we arrived at 9:30am. I gorged on wholemeal pitta and houmous, mmmmmmmm. We mostly faffed around until about 1pm when we were split into teams. I was given the job of collecting the radio and whiclt in control was duly informed that I would be the radio operator for my team. A familiar terror consumed me, I begged and pleaded like a pathetic person for a little while, all to no avail. Secretly I knew this is what would have to happen to make me EVER use the radio, in at the deep end whilst the knowledge was still fresh.

Off we went for lunch and then onto our post, in the North West corner. We were probably the only team without big coats and we got put on one of the coldest corners of the stadium. Relieved only once in about 4 hours, we were freezing our titties off by the time the game had ended. I hadn't done too badly with the radio, I found it's all about confidence really, as long as you sound like you know what you're on about you can get by. I might make up my own phonetic alphabet though, E is for 'Elephantiasis', P is for 'Phosphorylation'.

After titty freezing in the stadium, we were sent to the Guiness Village, of all places. It's what it says on the tin 'The Place Where People Go To Get Pissed On Guiness', oh yes, we strike gold baby! I've never seen so many people trying to maim themselves in such inventive ways. It would have been entertaining had I not been dreading having to use the carry sheet we were lugging around with us.

Finally left the stadium at 9:30pm.....breathe.......

Sunday was Zoo day. I had lots of lovely ladies in so it was nice and chilled, that goes for the weather too. By the end of the day the wind had picked up a hell of a lot, I had to shut the kiosk window to avoid being caught up in a cloud of whirling 'the Birds and the Bee's' leaflets. Shutting the window in the kiosk almost makes you look like you're sitting in a terrarium, people wander past and point as if you're some kind of H.Sapiens exhibit, scratching your head and picking your nose. I got to spend a bit of time training people on the ungulate touch table on Sunday, it's one of my FAVOURITE parts of the zoo. The morning session was a bit dead, but when we went back in the afternoon it was great, we had 2 groups of young girls, the Rainbows and the Brownies. Mostly kids just look at your specimens and shout 'Euuuurgh! Is that a FOOT?? Is it REAL??' closely followed by 'what's that? and what's that? and what's that? and what's this? and this?' It's lovely to impart knowledge though, no matter how basic.

We had some leaving drinks for a vol who is moving back to Oz shortly after the zoo. 14 people came along and it was great. All of us girls and aged between early 20's and early 30's. We grabbed a table in the corner right outside the mens loo, so they literally had to squeeze past to get to it, we must have been quite intimidating really. Some left after one drink and after that people slowly dropped off until the hardcore remained, Jade, Helen G, Stacey and myself. I ended up drinking 5 pints! Count them....1......2.....3, you get the picture. I was fine until we hit the air outside, then I went all stupid. Memories came flooding back to me when Stacey walked into a lamp-post on the way back to Camden, I did the same thing a couple of years ago.....cringe. You can't help but laugh when someone does something like that though. I know my housemate wet himself a little bit when I did it.....bastard.

Minging hangover, plus points guilt this morning, I'm looking forward to being fresh when I wake up tomorrow morning. There's nothing like waking up without a headache the morning after a hangover.

Ahhhhh, that's about it I think. Friday is Dirtayyy Dancing for mums birthday pressie, and Saturday I'm at an Ann Summers party, I'm going to make willy cookies :o) I wonder if anyone heard me on the phone in the zoo on Sunday talking to my dad:

'Dad, don't throw the willy cookie cutter away if you find it...yes.....willy, WILLY cookie cutter. I KNOW you think it's disgusting, it's for my party on Saturday....the Ann Summers party....*sigh*, yes dad, another Ann Summers party. Just don't throw it away ok? Thank you'

Tired......so very, very tired

Well, what a palaver, how long has it been since I last wrote? I got the choccies on Thursday, I think.

So, since then I have moved house, been to the zoo, been caught in a traffic jam of death, been to a BBQ, and been to a Pink concert. Oh...and I've been to the pub at least twice.

The moving....gosh. Well, we were going to get a big van, as in, 7.5tonnes or something like that, but it fell through at the last minute, so we used my dads van instead. It's not small, but it's not a 7.5 tonner either :) Dad cleared it out entirely and we ended up with a chest of drawers, 15 boxes, 8 binliners, 2 bags, a tool box and my bedding all stuffed in the back, and my mattress and wardrobe (whole) strapped to the top, luckily it was a lovely sunny day.

After loading the van we went for a breakfast, deciding that, if we came back and someone had nicked that wardrobe off the van then they bloody well deserved to keep it..what a nightmare job that was! Drove to the Stow, which didn't take as long as I expected and unloaded it all again.

Dad insisted on helping me unpack too.......I KNOW! Seeing as he was just untaping and rooting through all my boxes I decided to warn him that there was a 'ladies box' somewhere amongst them. By 'ladies box' I meant that there were a couple of toys of the vibrating variety unceremoniously dumped into the bottom. He just looked at me and shrugged as if to say 'Do I care?'. Maybe you don't daddy, But I care! I CARE!! *sob* So we came to the last 3 boxes and he opened one, I don't know if he saw anything but he just went 'is this it?' and wandered subtly out of the room. Oh the joys. But the good thing is that I did get everything unpacked, and I think if dad hadn't forced me there would still be bags and boxes laying around all over the place.

Jo came round to see my new place and brought me a Gerbera, it's too cheerful for Grant so it's sitting in my room now, getting full sunlight and moderate (moderate to less than moderate) watering. I need my watering can! This is another thing I'll promise you a picture of when I get home :)

The Rose and Crown was the order of the night for moving in beer celebrations with Jobie. I waddled home afterwards, watching out for unfriendly Northeners with sticks.

The next day was a few hours of zoo and then the drive home....oh noes, the drive home. Jo and I were on Camden Road and she had just made a comment about how sometimes on this drive home you get held up forever. Cue the news on the radio telling us about 2 women who had been found dead in a hotel in Finsbury Park, possible chemical incident, cue...traffic jam. This hotel was right on the road that we were trying to drive home on, we were diverted for what seem like hours, around the houses. It's just as well we had popped into Tesco for nibbles for the BBQ later on, anything that didn't need to be cooked was eaten on the way back. We worked our way through 2 cheese and onion pastry roll things, and a whole tub of hummus with carrot batons....mmmm, hummus!!

The BBQ was good! The food was amazing, lovely BBQ'd fish. It was my new next door neighbours throwing it, Pete and Samira. I was quite glad Jo was there as I hardly knew anybody, in fact, I only knew Grant, and he couldn't have entertained me the whole time. A lot of the people there were speaking what seemed at first to be Italian, but Samira is apparently Palestinian, so I may have been wrong, I'm positive it wasn't Arabic though, which is the official language in Palestine. Maybe if I engage a little more heartily in my attempts to learn some Italian before I go away then I'll be able to tell next time!

Anywhoo, we had lovely cake and bubbly at the BBQ, it is Petes birthday next week so they decided to surprise him. The cake was from the Euphorium Bakery, and was delicious, a thin layer of sponge with vanilla cream on the top, and lots of berries and chocolate swirls.

I would heartily recommend a cake from this place...yurm yurm!!!

Afterwards, off to the Rose and Crown again for a couple of pints....not setting a good precedent here.

Monday I faffed around in my room and in bed on Monday morning until it came time to leave the house to meet Vicky for lunch and to go off and see Pink at the O2. As I was walking down the road, Linda was just coming out of the allotments with her mum, what a happy coincidence! So I got a lift to the station which was kewl. I finally made it to Waterloo on the replacement bus service and 2 tubes...what a faff. After lunch we took a short wander up the Embankment and watched the various street entertainers. Amongst them were a silver wizard bopping to 'It's My Life' and playing some squeaky instrument, a weird Charlie Chaplin, 2 chameleons on bicycles and a headless gold king of some description. The best was the limbo man though. He actually managed to limbo under a stick balancing on top of 2 1.5 litre bottles of water. The technique is incredible, but his ankles are going to be shot in his old age!

Because of the length of time it was taking buses due to tube maintenance, I decided I'd get some tickets for the O2 Express on the Thames Clipper, that was lovely, cruising along the Thames, chillaxing.

The concert itself was fab, once Pink came on anyway! Vicky and I sat down at about half 6 and nothing happened till 7:40. At that point an awful band called RayGun came on, the lead singer thought he was Mick Jagger or something. At about quarter to 9 Pink finally made her appearance, the first song being Bad Influence. It was a really nice mix of songs, quite a few from her most recent album, and a a similar number from past albums, Just Like a Pill and Family Portrait etc. She also did some wicked covers, Bohemian Rhapsody and Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. The best bits were when she was performing acrobatics at the same time as singing. She did an amazing trapeze-style routine whilst performing 'sober', it was great.

She's far too fit, definitely on my 'list' if you know what I mean...nudge-nudge, winky winky :D

I was slightly in panic-mode on the way home, the Victoria line wasn't working so I needed to get to Finsbury Park in time to catch a rail replacement bus. I hastily abandoned Vicky at Waterloo and made a dash for my tube, turns out catching the rail replacement bus would be the elast of my problems. All was hunky dory till I started walking home, I walked down the wrong road, I was walking forever and started to think 'I don't recognise this, I've been walking too long, where am I?' I also started to panic..just a little bit, by now it was past midnight and I was wandering around strange streets not knowing where I was. Anyway, I eventually found a bus stop and inferred from the routes that I could find my road by carrying on up this wrong road...but I'd gone a bloody long way round!

The closest I came to death was some div losing control of his car on the road and heading towards me for a moment, whereupon I hid behind a lamppost (I know...there was a brick wall behind me, it would have been my next port of call), and the dodgiest person I saw was right at the end of my road...I got my keys out and jangled them in a threatening manner, it seemed to dissuade him from whatever naughtiness he was planning...probably none.

So that was my weekend!! I need another one please..soon

img cred: Celebrity Animal House

A Fresh Start?

Ahhh, fire alarm! I just spent a few minutes standing out in the sun because the fire alarm had been set off by some workmen. Thank you Mister Water-Hygiene-Contractor. I'm in a good mood today, though it's my last day without the boss in the office, I may have to take advantage and indulge in one of those San Miguels that have been sitting in the fridge for a year! Oh, hang on, he has this URL.....Hi Bruce...I would NEVER steal your beer, promise.

*uncrosses fingers*

So, many things in my life are changing at the moment. In just over a week I'm moving all the way to the other side of London, the dreaded 'North of the River'. I've always been a 'Southerner' so I hope they don't all beat me with sticks, I've heard that's what the 'Northeners' do. I know it's not exactly far, but it'll be the furthest I've ever moved from home, so for me it'll be a little bit of an adventure...pathetic as that may sound! I have lots of mates up there though, so I'm looking forward to life from a new angle.

I'm relatively newly single, and have been single before (shocked?? I know) so it's not as exciting as the moving. I'm still in that post-relationship 'NO!! Stay away from me!' phase. I felt really bad ending it all and whenever a bloke even glances in my direction I see our whole relationship flashing before my eyes and ending in either a mad whirlwind of tears and snot, or complete overwhelming relief (for him)...neither of which is good. So I swiftly do the crab-style side-scuttle and run off in the opposite direction, while the aformentioned guy (who was about to inform me that I had toilet paper hanging out of my flies) watches in amused puzzlement.

So! As I do every time I move house, which seems to be every six months at the moment, I have resolved to turn over a new leaf on the health and fitness front. One can only wonder how long THIS leaf will take to curl up and die a miserable, chubby death. However, I am hoping that posting my intentions on here will shame me into making a real go of it this time, in a similar way to the Reading List I published a week or so ago (more than halfway through 'Blood River' now). On Tuesday evening Jo and I are attending our first session of...wait for it....

WEIGHT WATCHERS!!!!

I know I know, I KNOW it's all a big money-making scheme!! The thing is, I'm unhappy with my weight...but I'm not unhappy enough to really push myself to diet properly, I need some external influence. I'm hoping the combined efforts of weekly weigh-ins, and the knowledge that I'm paying GOOD MONEY for all this piffle will inspire me to work at it. What I'm mostly looking forward to is recipe ideas etc, as I do quite enjoy cooking and...attempting...to be creative in the kitchen, so I think this will be good for me. I'm going to kill Jo with my attempts at vegetarian cookery!

I think my main problems stem from the evils of beer and bread! Mostly beer probably, though I have been known to consume 2 garlic batons in a day....they're TOO delicious!! SHAME!! SHAME ON ME AND MY GARLIC BREATH!! Do you have any idea how awful you feel sitting, covered in crumbs, after eating a whole garlic baton to yourself? So bad! So bad in fact, that you cheer yourself up with another garlic baton...oh yes. It's a vicious, stinky circle my friends.

The beer is an evil I find hard to avoid, but I'm going to have to try my best to cut down, sob! Maybe keep it to 3 pints instead of 5? Is that good enough? Baby steps people, baby steps. I don't think I can stand the though of G&T's...shudderment

Exercise...hmmm. Gyms don't do it for me at all, there is no point me joining a gym. I prefer to exercise at home, but there are so much more interesting things at home...like television and cake. We'll see how the 'exercise' thing goes shall we, one thing at a time :o) I'll start by walking up the stairs at work instead of taking the lift....

....prepares petition to be moved to ground floor for 'health' reasons.....

This is going so well so far isn't it! For those of you who may not want to follow my dietary trials and tribulations, my intimate conversations with a black forest gateaux, the desperate struggle against cheese and beer...I may create another blog especially for these details. Or I may just hound you all, I haven't yet decided, you lucky things you..

Sun picture kindly stolen from www.bradfitzpatrick.com

Easter, cheese...and other stuff too

Well!! My Easter has been stupendously quiet, hence the lack of bloggage. I did spend some time sitting around thinking....I should do some blogging really, what shall I blog about? Zero......there was nothing to talk about.

I confess I'm still rather lacking in material now, but no reason for you not to suffer eh?? Tee heee heeeee.

So here's my mini summary of my Easter Break

Day 1 - Bed, Civ, Cheese, Civ, Bed

Day 2 - Train, Tube, Kittehs, Didger, lounge, Civ, remember I left raw salmon out on kitchen side and text Steve.....Bed

Day 3 - Tube, Train, Parents, Lunch, TV, Bed

Day 4 - EASTER!! TV, DVDS, TV, Garden, Civ, Sunday Roast, Beer, TV, Bed

Day 5 - TV, Civ, Lunch, Home, Found Salmon still sitting on kitchen sideboard, Mark Perry, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer....BED

Day 6 - Hangover, Cheese, 17 Again, Horn, Hangover

Yes......tis about it really!! Note the distinct lack of 'Easter Egg Hunt' on Day 4.....I wasn't impressed either.

The cheese references regard the Port Salut and Gruyére I bought on Thursday...mmmmm....cheeeeze. Port Salut is my favourite and I fancied trying something different, the Gruyére is nice and altogether less fattening than Port Salut (though we are talking about cheese). I was rather pleased with myself for eating the cheeese with oatcakes....until I realised they were 42 calories each!! 42 BASTARD CALORIES!!! That's WITHOUT the cheese I'm slathering all over the top. My poor waist! I'm surprised I even still have one.

Civ refers to Civilisation, a PC game I occasionally become obsessed with, I've been playing mostly as Pericles this weekend....yes, Pericles, a lovely, bearded dead Greek man :o) I'm a nerd...so shoot me :D

Now, the salmon....I took it out of the fridge with good intentions, I was going to chuck it away as I knew Stevie wouldn't eat it and it would go minging in the fridge. Then I forgot it. And Steve wasn't in enough to realise it was there, and had forgotten I'd text him about it (in fairness it was wrapped in a Tesco carrier bag too). The smell was the first thing that hit me when I walked in on Monday :o) Yummo.

I took a few pics in mum and dads garden on Easter Sunday, harrassing my family with a camera as they toiled in the greenhouse. I've never seen my sister gardening before, I needed photographic evidence or no one would ever have believed me!! Here are a couple of snaps I took:

I went out with Markypoos last night for a couple of drinks, we weren't out too late, but I shouldn't be too proud of our self restraint. The truth is it was bank holiday Monday and everything shut at midnight....despite our scouring there was nowhere open so we were forced to bid one another adieu. Beeer....mmmmmmmmm.

Saw 17 again today, previous to this I didn't quite understand the Zac Efron thing....I do now. Being the mature lady I now am, I'm unlikely to be plastering my walls with pictures of his delightful mug and carapace (for want of a better term), but bloody hell if I was still 16 or 17 I'd be praying to the dear boy every night. It's lucky for him I'm older and wiser now. I'll resist putting up a picture. The film itself was really good, started off on a somewhat serious note which I wasn't expecting, but it's very funny and lots of morals etc throughout, great for kids I think, especially with Mr Efron being one of the latest role models for teenagers and children.

*stalks young hottie on Facebook*

I think that just about sums it up. I must get back to my sisters strange request for a list of the special features on my Dirty Dancing 20th Anniversary edition DVD!!

Mmmmmm, Patrick Swayze.....

Come now people....everyone knows I have ZERO self restraint :D Enjoy