Wednesday, 18 November 2009

The Number 7 Weirdest Crush


I have a crush on him too...he should have been Number 1 as far as I'm concerned!! Michael McIntyre is the man I'm talking about, and the competition is Heat Magazines top 25 weirdest crushes...Number 7 my arse, look at that lovely shiny floppy hair!

Weird crushes FTW :D

Nicki and I booked half days for yesterday, Nicki booked AAAGGGES ago back in August for us to see Michael McIntyre at the O2 for my birthday, and we decided for the sake of our nerves and stress levels that we would book into a nearby hotel overnight after the concert. So we took off at 1pm from our independent locations.....and I EVENTUALLY met her at Bank after a horrible round-the-houses detour care of someone under a train at Kings Cross :(

2 x DLR later and we find ourselves at the 'Custom House for ExCeL' stop. Strange name for a station stop, but this is the DLR, running solely on the whim of a bored-looking man with a key and a well-thumbed copy of 'Lesbian Dwarf Porn' monthly sticking out of his back pocket.

We get off, have a glance around and Nicki announces:

'I don't know where the hotel is from here you know'

**glare** 'are you serious?'

**embarrassed look**

'Do you at least know the name?'

' House Hotel?'

'Ok, so it shouldn't be DICK!!'

'Look...a map! I think it's on this road...this one here......aherm'





And there it was, visible from the very platform we were standing on. I felt relieved, Nicki felt suitably justified in her appalling organisational skills (haw haw..she'll kill me for that) and we wandered over to the hotel.

We immediately, of course, noticed the pub next door. The plan was to check in, dump our stuff, have a pub lunch and then fill some time faffing around before heading off to the O2.

We headed towards 'PUB' after dumping said stuff only to be told it didn't open till 5.


What about the lunchtime trade?? FINE!! We'll go to the one over the road don't want your stinky 'Café' or 'Chinese Restaurant'. Pub food was had....and rather nice, although my onion gravy didn't have anything discernable as onion in it. Nicki spent most of the time threatening to attack the bar person with her half a grilled beef tomato which she had asked them to leave off, but had dished up anyway...apparently 'it comes on the side, you can take it off yourself'.

After being suitably sated and trawling the entite ExCeL Centre for a Costa that had cream (unsuccessfully), Nicki and I returned to the hotel with sweet treats and hot drinks, whereupon, despite carefully laid plans to do some interesting things....we laid and watched 'The Biggest Loser USA', 'How Clean is Your House?', 'Friends' and 'Scrubs' for a few hours.

We finally dragged ourselves out to get to the O2 Centre for about 7pm. Clearly, the most important thing was to make sure we were sustained throughout the show, so we bought some over-priced O2 hotdogs...clearly laced with gold...and 2 pints of Becks Vier, the O2 standard lager!

I'm pretty sure were were only charged for one beer, so IN YOUR FACE O2!! That was only going to happen we made sure we enjoyed those beers.

Thoroughly excited, we found our level and our entrance and bimbled down to find an angel directing us to our seating. Ok, so he wasn't actually an angel, I think he was of African descent and he had cool hair and really nice eyes and DIMPLES! We were sat quite close to him, so he was my amusement until the man himself came on! Nicki and I were verily excited, the O2 is incredibly huge and slightly overwhelming, the sheer number of people they can fit in is amazing. More and more people streamed in, and then the lights went down and everyone started clapping, the little intro sequence started playing and the tiny, shiny haired, pink-shirted, camp little man bounced out skipping onto the stage!

I tell you what, I feel sorry for the camera and lighting men who have to chase Michael all over the stage for the duration of his performance, he doesn't seem to ever stop moving. I guess you can't blame him, it would be a shame to be given a stage that huge and waste it. Waste it he did not!

As I expected, the show was fantastic, his bit on naked guys in the gym changing room was hilarious, and the observational stuff on Christmas was the kind of stuff that has you nodding and crying along in recognition. I love the fact that he uses his family, in particular, his wife, so much in his set. This might be because I once saw him and his family at London Zoo together, and it brings it home that he is actually a real person, and it seems to me, one of the only comedians who is 'normal'. It's a long running joke that all comedians are screwed up in some way or another, extremely attention seeking/anxious/alcoholic/depressed/insert appropriate adjective. It's refreshing to see one so (apparently) settled and happy with himself and his situation.

We got another beer during the interval....

We bimbled home straight after the show, and Nicki decided it was time for another one in the pub before bed...I've created a monster!

So, a pint of Guinness and a Peroni (I think) and a couple of packets of crisps (so much for the diet yesterday), and we were sitting chatting in the pub when a rather intoxicated gentleman approaches us, speaking in a strong Welsh accent. He goes round to chat to Nicki and a younger (late 30's early 40's) bloke comes up and tells us it's his uncle Ken. Lovely.

After talking to the younger chap for roughly 2 minutes I'm pretty convinced he sent his drunk uncle over as an excuse to get talking to us. I'd rather be talking to drunk uncle to be honest!!

Anyway, drunk uncle Ken leaves eventually and we're left talking to Mark. He turns out not to be so bad. One of those high-earning guys who lacks the ability to really talk to women and resorts to talking about his business and his property etc etc etc. After our pints we bid him adieu and headed off to bed.

The day was a fantastic one, thank you so much Nicki for buying tickets to see the Master of Comedy and skipping, I really enjoyed the day yesterday :D

I'm off home to release Sage and 5 Spice...

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