Doughnuts are sabotaging me!
Or is it the people who keep buying them?
Greggle, Linda, Wilfy and I have this thing going on with morning teabreak. We often buy Krispy Kremes for special occassions, the obligatory 'birthday' doughnuts, the 'PAYDAY!!' doughnuts.
Recently a worrying pattern, or rather...non-pattern has begun to emerge. Since when has anyone heard of 'welcome back from your long weekend' doughnuts, or 'I feel like a doughnut today' doughtnuts?
Or, god forbid......'it's Wednesday' doughnuts.
This is the way it's been going recently.
Yesterday we indulged in 'Becki's back from holiday and I fancy a doughnut' Krispy Kremes, bought by the lovely Greggle. Or rather....paid for by the lovely Greggle who sent me out to get them along with his Ploughmans lunch Meal Deal for £2 from Tesco. I've been meaning to get back on the dieting wagon for some time, and I'd thought I could be good today after yesterdays Krispy Kreme based excesses.
I forgot about the coffee morning.
I walk into the Starling Room only to be confronted by four massive plates of doughnuts. They weren't Krispy Kremes, but they were soft, floury goodness filled with jam or topped with chocolate!
They told us we couldn't have one until 11am! It was 10:50am. How dare they do this to us! Two huge plates of doughnuts were placed directly in front of our faces, and we were explicitly ordered not to touch them for ten minutes!
As Linda suggested...cruel and unusual punishment...we must have done something truely evil in our past lives.
Of course as soon as the doughnut distributors walked out of the room, after we had promised to guard the doughnuts with our lives, Greg dove in. He then spent most of the next minute and a half trying to consume the thing as quickly as possible, paranoid that the doughnut people would come back to check on the situation.
Pre-11am, we staged a countdown, paper plates at the ready. We were truely a sight to behold.
They were delicious I must say...and not too stingy on the jam, which is always the main concern of a discerning doughnut connoisseur.
As more people turned up the doughnuts did start to disappear slowly. One thing we noticed is that people seem relatively calm whilst there are 5 or more doughnuts still on the plate. This changes once the all important fifth doughnut is taken away.
Beads of perspiration start to appear on upper lips, eye's dart nervously between unguarded doughnuts, empty paper plate and possibly sources of competition around the room, feet shuffle. And then it happens, three, four, or......sadly....five people simultaneously make a dash for the plate. Inevitably someone is crushed in the ensuing mayhem, one person, in their state of heightened doughnut lust, steals two, and flees the room pursued by a baying crowd of angry academics on a sugar-high.
Ok....that last part only happened once..but I can't let it go, it was too funny.
In summation, ladies and gentlemen...don't eat too many doughnuts, they're bad for your health.
p.s...don't bother trying to suggest that I may use my extensive self-control to NOT EAT doughnuts when they're put in front of me. That's just silly talk.