Well....it's done and dusted!
I wasn't too beetrooty or flustered because I'd done so much preparation and I pretty much knew what I wanted to say. I lost my track in the middle when a cleaner wandered into the room and faffed around at the back retrieving a phone he had left to charge....dinkus, however, I used my mindmap and recovered from that. In general it went ok. I was still bricking it, but not in as obvious a way as normal!
I tried to escape to my seat as soon as I'd finished the presentation and was duly reprimanded for seeking sanctuary, so I stood and answered some questions.
Then it was time for feedback...oh dear god!
I was asked, 'so, how do you think that went?'. My babbling answer was basically along the lines of 'I know it was far from perfect, but by my standards it went rather well thank you!'
Apparently....and I breathed a small sigh of relief at this...I'm not as bad at presenting as I think I am. I have good mastery of deciding what I should talk about, marshalling ideas and corralling concepts. I'd clearly prepared thoroughly given my visual aid.
Then he pointed out that this should all mean that I'm confident talking in front of people...and given that I'm not, the only reason can be is that I'm worried about how I come across. Thinking about it, it's very true. I had little self-confidence whilst I was growing up, and I definitely have more now.
However, how much of that is real self confidence, and how much is an act I put on to mask the lack of self confidence?
I think all the vestiges of insecurity I still have are manifest in my fear of public speaking. If I can overcome this and move forward to become confident talking in front of a crowd, I think it'll be a huge achievement for me. I'm quite looking forward to seeing if I can do it.
One thing I've learnt is that preparation is key! The 7 P's:
Previous Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance
Ok...I'm off to talk to myself in a mirror