Monday, 23 November 2009

Crafts of Yarn

You might be wondering, what could possibly top my pre-birthday wonderment eh?

I'll tell you what could top it, forget the drinks with all my best mates and my sis that I'd arranged for later in the day, forget that.

I was going wool shopping....oh yes. Teasels Yarncrafts, the last refuge of the over 70's, because church is soo last year.

We walked in....agog.........there were OTHER PEOPLE in the shop. We had expected tumbleweed and a pride of feral cats. It was actually relatively busy. As we wandered, dazed and confused through the aisle of yarnz, a helpful chap approached.

'Hello, can I help you?'

*glazed look* 'We're...uh....looking for wool'

*subtle (but not enough) roll of the eyes* 'yes, well, we have lots of that, now what type of wool are you after?'

We just looked at each other in a vaguely 'we should have prepared ourselves more thoroughly' kind of way and shrugged our shoulders, at which point he took on the 'I'm talking to a pair of infants' voice and led us over to the wool section.

'Ok, so, are you looking for something you can wash in the machine, sponge wash, dry clean?'

We were still reeling from the 'what type?' question.


'Okkkkk, what are you making?'


You could almost see him sigh internally with relief, praise the lord, thank gawd they're not attempting anything harder than a scarf.

'Ok, so, we have our extra chunky, quite chunky, a bit chunky......chunky......not so chunky, less chunky, not very chunky at all.....and cotton'.

'Um, quite chunky please'


'Yes, quite chunky is good fo.........'


He gave me the wool.

The best part was when he asked in a very grave manner, 'Now, have either of you knitted before??'

He asked this question like someone asking an overenthusiastic 5 year-old cliff jumper, 'have you done this before?'. Knitting is clearly a serious business and fraught with danger, I mean, you could take an eye out if you're not careful. Jo took great joy and pride in showing him her scarf that she's just finished, and even greater pleasure in telling him it took her 3 years to complete *pride*.

When Jo asked for some help 'casting on', we were shooed towards the resident knitter lady, she looked like a proper knitting pro she did, someone you could trust to steer you steady down the white water rapids of yarncraft.

'Ooooh, no....I don't know the thumb method'


'Ohhhhh, no, my three knitters are'll have to come back, yes'
'Er, ok'

'Well....I could show you the two needle method......left-handed'

'We'll come back, thanks'

Bloody useless knitting numpty.

Thus....we spent almost the rest of our free time before going out trying to learn casting on from videos on's the most helpful case you ever find yourself in need of handy knitting know who I'm talking to, Wilfred, there's even hints on how to 'knit like a man'.

I say we, Jo is in fact the one doing all of the work, I just shout at the people in TY. I say try because by this point we'd had nigh on 3 pints of beer, and it's amazing how this can impair the delicate manipulation of wool and needles that is required to bring about 'casting on', it also impairs your ability to effectively focus upon the youtube video teaching you how to perform such a feat. Needless to say, we failed miserably. It preyed visibly on Jo's mind for the rest of the evening.

Learning casting on from a man on tinterwebz

In case you were wondering, I don't think I've explained myself fully, the reason for this glorious birthday trip to Teasels Yarncraft was to buy wool for the scarf Jo is knitting me for Birthmas. The wool I picked was lovely, all Autumn colours which will create stripes in the scarf.

The scarf was begun successfully the following morning after the 'casting on' method was carefully processed within the intoxicated minds of drunks overnight. I'm reliably informed that it's about a foot long already, huzzah!!

Jo and my scarf are clearly made of WIN.


  1. Ha ha ha f*ck me, that teasels website is amazing.

    Yarn of the Month!!

    If I may be so bold... I'd say a foot and two inches by now :)

  2. Tis rather exceptional isn't it....I suspect they may have hired a professional to come in and do the job.

    Is my yarn 'yarn of the month'?? cos it bloody well should be!!

    Yay for scarfage!!