The Sweet Camp - These are the guys who revel in the romantic spirit of February the 14th. It's a day of hearts and roses and chocolates, teddies, cards, ribbons, kissing, dinner, wine, cuddles....and everything else you might like to get up to ;)
It tends to be mostly (but not exclusively) comprised of ladies (and gents) in relationships.
The Sour Camp - These are the guys who revel in the seething vitriol of February the 14th. It's a day of poking fun at the doe-eyed couples wandering around too wrapped up in each other to realise that they're the sheep-like victims of consumerism at it's worst!!
Almost entirely comprised of people who aren't getting any sex.
What's interesting is the capacity of some to swing manically back and forth between the two camps like a psychotic shuttlecock......serial monogamists.
I simplify things somewhat I'll admit. There are the inbetweenies, but they tend to be less vocal. I think I fit in this inbetweeny group.
Since I've gotten old enough to appreciate what Valentines Day is, I've had my fair share of couply Valentines Days, and single ones too.
Amongst the coupled up ones there have been some stinkers and some lovely ones. Ones that almost broke up the relationship, and ones that were unexpectedly fabulous. For my shame, when I'm in a relationship, I'm definitely consumerist livestock.
However, I do manage to refrain from public displays of affection....if only to escape the judgemental gaze of passing singletons!
When I'm single I still retain enough fondness of the day to secretly hope I might get a card, and yet manage to keep the expectation at a low enough level so that when the day rolls around and I don't get a card....I don't try and cut my throat with a sharpened tablespoon. I do quite like to go out and do something though, avoiding the couples haunts, I quite like to go to the pub with some single friends.
I have a problem this year though, most of my mates are in relationships!
When did this happen?
Those who ARE single are busy already, avoiding the situation in their own ways.
So what am I to do?
Part of me was tempted to advertise myself on Facebook:
'Single person seeks Valentines companion for non-romantic company'
But this could be mis-translated as:
'Desperately lonely spinster seeks no strings attached sexytimes....SEX ME!!'
But you always have those people on Facebook who you'd really rather you'd not added who will blatantly be the first to respond!!
Then an email dropped into my inbox this afternoon, from Lush. I love Lush, I love it very much. And so it was decided. I'm gonna get a gift box from Lush, for ME!!
And I'll spend the day loving myself....
....that sounded wrong, but you know what I mean.