Tuesday, 16 February 2010


Today I was caught outside the toilets in a restaurant, by a member of staff, performing a grotesque hip-thrusting dance.

I may also have been producing a noise comparable to a donkey in considerable pain.

I'm glad I was on my way out.

Allow me to explain.

I quite enjoy embarrassing my sister when we're out together...only a little bit. She's easily embarrassed so it usually doesn't take TOO much shameful behaviour on my part to illicit a satisfying reaction. If I'm ever going to do anything really embarrassing I tend to do it in a quiet place with only the slight risk of discovery by anyone alien.

Today Nicki and I went to Gourmet Burger Kitchen, as Nicki's reward for bringing me my passport...plus she's a bit poor, we need to keep her from withering away.

At the end of the meal we decided to visit the 'facilities' to perform our ablutions before we made our separate ways home. The toilets are a bit sad and there's one for both sexes, then one disabled one. I baggsied the men/women one, finished first and waited for Nicki in the little toilet foyer bit.

As she emerged, I realised I had a bit of an underwear issue going on. Butt-mining knickers, you know what I mean laydeez.

Under the circumstances, any normal person would have discretely removed said undergarments from said orifice and moved on.

Not I.

I grabbed said undergarments, and performed a series of simultaneous yanking/hip-thrusting movements, whilst honking like a donkey.

Nicki looked on in horror and said 'You DO know that staff sometimes come through he.........'

At which point the door behind us opened and I immediately ceased and started laughing in a strange mixture of amusement, embarrassment and defiance. I turned around to face my shame, to my relief the guy was just grinning and proceeded to hold the door open for us in a polite gesture of 'get the hell out of here'.

By the time Nicki and I got outside we were practically wetting ourselves...we could hear the guy laughing behind us as he FOLLOWED us to the door...presumably to make sure we left.

I succeeded in convincing myself that he was merely laughing at us laughing and that he hadn't actually seen anything....until Nicki informed me that there had been a window in the door.

Ho Hum


  1. oooOOooOo that made me cry with laughter all over again! Hoot hoot! ha ha ha

  2. Honk honk honk!!!

    Yank yank, thrust thrust....

    Oh dear

  3. LOL! I have been gone for far too long! That one was so good I had to read it aloud to my boyfriend for some all-round enjoyment! That's such a typical ME thing to do actually - my sister HATES going out in public with me, her phobia of me doing something completely mortifying practically paralyses her with fear lmao xx

  4. :D Thanks for that Jamie....I think everyone else has been too disgusted to comment...I'm glad there are more like me out there lol!! xx