Thursday, 22 October 2009

Flatmates to Be

Anyone who follows this blog with any regularity will know that I'm planning on moving in with my mate Jo, or Oggers, however you know the lovely creature.

What you may not realise is that this means I'm moving in with not one person, but ten people!

Well...I guess that depends how loosely you use the term 'people'. Let me explain by introducing my new flatmates, in order of increasing superiority (according to Jean-Baptiste Lamarck...evolution FTW).

First, let me introduce you to Roger, Didger and company.

Roger is the magnificent specimen with a split tail in the foreground. I believe Jo has owned him for roughly seven years, I'm sure I'll be corrected if I'm wrong. Roger seems to have a recurrent problem with his tail. We are unsure whether it's to do with furtive bullying by his tankmates, or whether it's fin-rot, but every now and again, his tail seems to fall off! I'm sure you're aware that this isn't a good thing for a fishy. Nonetheless, he's the crowning glory, beautiful fish, lovely lovely.

Didger is a relatively new arrival, and the main suspect in the case of the disappearing tail. He was originally meant to be called Dodger, as in Roger the Dodger (for those Beano nerds amongst us), but I so insisted on referring to him as Didger that eventually it stuck. Jo gifted me with Didger, but looks after him for me. It's almost like adopting an animal at the zoo, except I don't give her any money for him, and only come to visit when I'm drunk. I did offer to take him home, but she decided that carrying him around on my person in a Didger-Shaped case wasn't the best life for a fishy, and besides...she never gave me enough time with her back turned to fish him out (get it??). Didger is the orange, black and silver beastie behind Rog.

Who knows what a gaggle of danio's can do to a glorious tail? We don't know, but we're keeping an eye out. The 6 zebra danios don't have names I'm afraid, mayhap I should name them now! Wilbur, Chester, Fanny, Matilda, Cuthbert and Bob. Nicely done.

Five of these guys were introduced with Didger. Previous to that there had been the 3 Amigo's. One time when I was looking after Jo's flat, cats and fish I looked over to notice something suspicious floating on the top of the tank. I looked back at the telly 'Please no' I thought, 'let it be having a rest'. However, on approaching the tank, my hopes that I was witnessing a rare fish-nap evaporated, the reason being that half of his head and tail appeared to have been feasted upon by his treacherous tankmates. Whether this had occurred pre or postmortem I cannot be sure, but I hope for amigo 1's sake that it was the latter. So, I unceremoniously fished his tiny corpse out of the tank, wrapped him lovingly in bog roll....and threw him in the bin. It was the second time looking after my mates pets, and he died on my watch....typical! One of the amigo's is still going strong I believe, hurrah amigo 3!!

Next, Felis cattus.

After Jo, the next people I'm looking forward to moving in with most are Mornington and Lucy.

Mornington is Lucy's daughter, I do believe that the dirty little Lucy was with child when Jo gave her a home, I forget whether Jo was aware of this fact at the time. Mornington was one of 3, the other 2 were named Leicester and Marble, can you guess what they were named after?

They have two very differing personalities, Mornington is.....sweet, silly (stupid), and slightly overweight. She likes her cuddles and noms, she'll lick your fingers to death if you give her half a chance, and in the morning she'll sit on you with her massive arse until you relent and get up to feed her. Sometimes though, she'll come to you just for love, just a little bit of a cuddle and some love. Whilst she's laying there, getting her belly scratched, you'll gaze lovingly into her eyes.....there's nothing there, nothing. You almost expect to see tropical fishes...or the windows logo flying around there...screensaver mode.

Bless. Here's a piccy of her looking particularly astute.

Lucy on the other hand is more of a typical kitty. I have been known to describe her as 'standoffish'. It's either a case of you have to get to know her, or the fact that she's mellowing a tad in her old age, but recently she's been coming around to me. Granted, when she wants love it's ALWAYS when you're on your way out of the door to go to work, but at least she wants some. She's a beautiful kitty with marbled black, orange and white fur. When you get love from Lucy you feel like you've earned does THAT work?? Only cats, only cats. Here's a piccy of the lovely Lucy.

And lastly, but by no means leastly, Oggers! At least I hope so...she's the one buying the house after all. It was only looking through my photos and those on facebook that I realised there are hardly any decent pictures of Ogs and Sprogs together, this needs to be remedied! I met Oggers neraly 4 years ago now at London Zoo, I began volunteering the week after her...I think. Initially there was a big crowd of us girlies who would hit the Albert after a long, hard (mmm) zoo day. One by one they dropped out until it was just Jo and I left, we're a dying breed! Committed volunteers is what we are!! We kept at the pub even when the rest deserted us, we're bloody good at it! After a year or two I took on the Team Leader role, yes, that makes me Jo's boss, at least for one day a fortnight. I'm soon those particular tables will turn when she becomes my landlord...eek! Jo does comedy and so I get to go to lots of funz comedy nights and meet lots of very cool people :o) We like this.

Here is a lovely picture of Oggers with a sad-looking donkey in the background. He lives in Hackney, what can I say?

Once moved in we (I), we intend to create a small menagerie, and will begin smuggling animals home from the zoo, one by one, in our oversized red zoo jumpers. We'll start with pygmy marmosets, move onto red pandas, and one day we might be good enough for almost-grown lion cubs.

Or maybe we'll just have chicken wearing pants.


  1. If there are 2 bigger fishies, 6 dannios, 2 cats and me. That makes 11 of us!? Together with you Sprogs, we make the Dirty Dozen. Although I'd bet you a Domino's some of those fishies pop their clogs amidst the trauma of moving...

    I think I've had Roger something a bit more like 5 or 6 years, but yes, it is quite a long time.

    Chickinz in pants FTW and fingers crossed for the flat I'm looking at 2moro. x

  2. I forgot to change that bit! I thought there were 5 danio's, then I realised there were 6 and forgot to change the total....rubbish me!

    The dirty dozen.....oh yes!

    I'll take your bet and see you an extra garlic pizza bread for the cats to lick.