Sheer Class and Elegance II

It's important to note that when we got to Ogg's place, we only drank 2 out of 4 cans!!

Yes

AND

Ogger's made us dinner rather than us ordering Domino's

Yus

We're practically athletes......and yet, the fact that we felt the need to point these facts out suggests that we may be falling short of our potential.

Ho Hum

Sheer Class and Elegance

Oggers and I left the pub after 2 pints yesterday (I KNOW!), knowing we had some beers back at Jo's place.

BUT!

There were 3 beers

2 of us....and 3 beers, it's an odd number...never good.

So, we bought this:

Tinny in a brown paper bag.......oh yes.....oh yes. All we need is a coupla fags, velour tracksuits, gold hoop earrings and a buggy pushed by a small child wearing a grubby vest.

'2 straws and 2 cigarettes please....no....not a whole packet....how much for 2?

60p??!!.......How about one? We'll share.'

Glen and Graham

I'm sure I've mentioned these two cuties before, I have, haven't I?

They were at Kayleighs party on Friday, almost got locked in the cupboard for keeping us up with their frolicking during the night...and in the morning we put them in the bath to play together.

They're gerbils...incase you were wondering!

When I was younger we had some gerbils as class pets, Rommel and Monty. I was accused of murdering them!! Well, I guess it was more an accusation of neglect than murder. Apparently I was the last one to look in on them and I left the wire off the top of their cage....maybe I did, but to this day I'm sure I didn't!!

Needless to say they escaped, I don't quite recall what happened to the first, we either found him alive and then he died soon after, or we just found him dead. The other one just disappeared into thin air...no trace.

Then, one day, we were sitting in story corner when someone detected a strange whiff coming from the papier maché tree they were sat next to. When the tree was hacked away at, inside we found the tiny corpse of a berbil :( Poor thing.

School pets, they're DOOMED. 200 eager but underqualified and overenthusiastic owners....it never works out well does it? Kayleigh would do well not to let me look after the boys, what with my track record:

- Rommel and Monty died a horrible death apparently at my hands

- George the school guinea pig found himself wedged inside a slinky...dad had to cut it off with pliers.

- One of Jo's 3 amigos died on my watch

- Nicki and I fed her hamster so many treats that he couldn't fit in his house anymore and died when he fell over and couldn't get back up.

- Mornington developed a sexy dredlock one time I looked after her, now she's taken to pooping on the carpet.

The morning after the party Kayleigh put the boys, along with their toys, in the corner bath of her new flat. It's an ingenious idea, they can't climb up the sides and have freedom to roam about as they wish. It's also a great opportunity for gerbil-view photography. Unfortunately the little rodents are bloody fast, and my camera (though one of my favourite possessions) doesn't have very very close up capability...so a few of these shots are slightly, or very, blurred.

Kayles put a dish of dust/sand down for them, they're desert rodents, just like chinchillas and so they enjoy a good dust bath. The boy's hadn't really figured out what they were supposed to do with this dust yet, but as I watched, Glen (the cleverer one), smooshed himself flat in the sand and then flicked it over himself. We really hoped he's do it again because Kayles had missed it and that's just like missing your kids first steps! Then Graham wandered into the sand and rolled so it flicked all over his back. It was very cool!

Graham in his sand bath!

Keep tuned for more friends-pets-related posts!! I'm off to attack Mr Neelix and Lillie soon, their human is called Vicky.

In other news, my Jo is back from Rome!! Welcome home Jobie xxx

The Number 7 Weirdest Crush

Ahhhhhhh

I have a crush on him too...he should have been Number 1 as far as I'm concerned!! Michael McIntyre is the man I'm talking about, and the competition is Heat Magazines top 25 weirdest crushes...Number 7 my arse, look at that lovely shiny floppy hair!

Weird crushes FTW :D

Nicki and I booked half days for yesterday, Nicki booked AAAGGGES ago back in August for us to see Michael McIntyre at the O2 for my birthday, and we decided for the sake of our nerves and stress levels that we would book into a nearby hotel overnight after the concert. So we took off at 1pm from our independent locations.....and I EVENTUALLY met her at Bank after a horrible round-the-houses detour care of someone under a train at Kings Cross :(

2 x DLR later and we find ourselves at the 'Custom House for ExCeL' stop. Strange name for a station stop, but this is the DLR, running solely on the whim of a bored-looking man with a key and a well-thumbed copy of 'Lesbian Dwarf Porn' monthly sticking out of his back pocket.

We get off, have a glance around and Nicki announces:

'I don't know where the hotel is from here you know'

**glare** 'are you serious?'

**embarrassed look**

'Do you at least know the name?'

'Custom...er.....Custom House Hotel?'

'Ok, so it shouldn't be far.........you DICK!!'

'Look...a map! I think it's on this road...this one here......aherm'

'Hmmmmm'

'Er.....Becki'

'What!'

'Look'

And there it was, visible from the very platform we were standing on. I felt relieved, Nicki felt suitably justified in her appalling organisational skills (haw haw..she'll kill me for that) and we wandered over to the hotel.

We immediately, of course, noticed the pub next door. The plan was to check in, dump our stuff, have a pub lunch and then fill some time faffing around before heading off to the O2.

We headed towards 'PUB' after dumping said stuff only to be told it didn't open till 5.

FIVE!!

What about the lunchtime trade?? FINE!! We'll go to the one over the road then....no....we don't want your stinky 'Café' or 'Chinese Restaurant'. Pub food was had....and rather nice, although my onion gravy didn't have anything discernable as onion in it. Nicki spent most of the time threatening to attack the bar person with her half a grilled beef tomato which she had asked them to leave off, but had dished up anyway...apparently 'it comes on the side, you can take it off yourself'.

After being suitably sated and trawling the entite ExCeL Centre for a Costa that had cream (unsuccessfully), Nicki and I returned to the hotel with sweet treats and hot drinks, whereupon, despite carefully laid plans to do some interesting things....we laid and watched 'The Biggest Loser USA', 'How Clean is Your House?', 'Friends' and 'Scrubs' for a few hours.

We finally dragged ourselves out to get to the O2 Centre for about 7pm. Clearly, the most important thing was to make sure we were sustained throughout the show, so we bought some over-priced O2 hotdogs...clearly laced with gold...and 2 pints of Becks Vier, the O2 standard lager!

I'm pretty sure were were only charged for one beer, so IN YOUR FACE O2!! That was only going to happen once..so we made sure we enjoyed those beers.

Thoroughly excited, we found our level and our entrance and bimbled down to find an angel directing us to our seating. Ok, so he wasn't actually an angel, I think he was of African descent and he had cool hair and really nice eyes and DIMPLES! We were sat quite close to him, so he was my amusement until the man himself came on! Nicki and I were verily excited, the O2 is incredibly huge and slightly overwhelming, the sheer number of people they can fit in is amazing. More and more people streamed in, and then the lights went down and everyone started clapping, the little intro sequence started playing and the tiny, shiny haired, pink-shirted, camp little man bounced out skipping onto the stage!

I tell you what, I feel sorry for the camera and lighting men who have to chase Michael all over the stage for the duration of his performance, he doesn't seem to ever stop moving. I guess you can't blame him, it would be a shame to be given a stage that huge and waste it. Waste it he did not!

As I expected, the show was fantastic, his bit on naked guys in the gym changing room was hilarious, and the observational stuff on Christmas was the kind of stuff that has you nodding and crying along in recognition. I love the fact that he uses his family, in particular, his wife, so much in his set. This might be because I once saw him and his family at London Zoo together, and it brings it home that he is actually a real person, and it seems to me, one of the only comedians who is 'normal'. It's a long running joke that all comedians are screwed up in some way or another, extremely attention seeking/anxious/alcoholic/depressed/insert appropriate adjective. It's refreshing to see one so (apparently) settled and happy with himself and his situation.

We got another beer during the interval....

We bimbled home straight after the show, and Nicki decided it was time for another one in the pub before bed...I've created a monster!

So, a pint of Guinness and a Peroni (I think) and a couple of packets of crisps (so much for the diet yesterday), and we were sitting chatting in the pub when a rather intoxicated gentleman approaches us, speaking in a strong Welsh accent. He goes round to chat to Nicki and a younger (late 30's early 40's) bloke comes up and tells us it's his uncle Ken. Lovely.

After talking to the younger chap for roughly 2 minutes I'm pretty convinced he sent his drunk uncle over as an excuse to get talking to us. I'd rather be talking to drunk uncle to be honest!!

Anyway, drunk uncle Ken leaves eventually and we're left talking to Mark. He turns out not to be so bad. One of those high-earning guys who lacks the ability to really talk to women and resorts to talking about his business and his property etc etc etc. After our pints we bid him adieu and headed off to bed.

The day was a fantastic one, thank you so much Nicki for buying tickets to see the Master of Comedy and skipping, I really enjoyed the day yesterday :D

I'm off home to release Sage and 5 Spice...

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Weekend of Music and Mayhem

What a fabulous weekend I just had! Busy and knackering, but fantastic all the same.

Friday

The weekend started with Gerbilarium and Toms housewarming party in Wood Green. I was staying over and had forgotten to fetch my small sleeping bag from my parents house, so I had to trek over with this MONSTER sleeping bag. I can quite describe how large this thing is and I got more than a few strange glances. The strangest being when I wandered into Costcutters to get beer, I tied the sleeping bag to my other bag and carried the beer around the shop.

I think I resembled some kind of odd, alcoholic gypsy.

The party was wicked, the guys had been worried that the weather would prevent them being able to use their roof terrace, but for most of the evening the rain held off, though it was a tad blustery I must say! The next day when we went for a brekkie we walked past all the blown-down building detritus from the roadworks, it was like a scene from 28 days later. Despite never having met any of their guests, everyone got on really well, much beer was drunk, much wine was spilt by Kayleigh and many snacks were eaten.

People began to leave at about midnight at which point Kayles and I found anything we could to dip in the remaining....dips. There were 2 slice of bread...they went first. Then peanuts....how do you dip peanuts in dips you may ask. Very messily I would answer.

At about 1am Kayles, Hayley and I went out for FRICKEN!! The things you witness in Fricken shops. We're pretty sure a bird dragged some guy into the bathroom to pleasure him in certain ways...and Kayles woke up a bloke who was quite clearly dead drunk, only to then be propositioned by him. At this point we made our exit whilst he staggered up the road after us. Luckily, he seemed to come to his sense and stopped at the bus stop.

I fell in love with their flat, it's small, but perfectly formed with dark wood beams, their own bathroom with a corner bath, a little walk in cupboard and a ROOF TERRACE! Did I mention that before? It's a personal roof terrace too! They share a kitchen, but that's doable, it's the bathroom that's a faff to share. Gorgeous!

The next morning involved mainly playing with the gerbils in the bath and BREAKFAST!! Oh yum, oh yum yum yum!!

Saturday

Once I got home...started with a 2 hour nap and then the zoo rota...hardly thrilling!

Linda and I have been trying to see Kylie (Del) and his band Bricktop play for AGES, and we finally managed to get a date out of him that both of us could get to, we weren't gonna miss it!

I got to Linda's at about 6:30pm and we sat down for a couple of beers and ordered some Dominos pizza!! NOM!!

We hit The Standard just after 8pm and immediately ran into Kylie who was kind enough to buy us a drink...so now I was on the Guinness...oh dear!

Bricktop were supporting the main act of the night, Bootleg Blondie, a Blondie Tribute band. The great thing about Bricktop is that, as well as slinging in a couple of sing-along crowd pleasers, they write and perform their own stuff, not constrained in the way tribute bands are. For a 3-piece they were bastard loud and had everyone bouncing along, it was fantabulous. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed seeing live music. It ended too soon for my liking, here's a taste!



Bootleg Blondie were cool, the lead singer looked remarkably like Debbie Harry with the cat-like eyes. There were 3 costumes, each top/dress getting slightly, slightly shorter. The last one was basically a long t-shirt and there was a massive flash of ass every time she turned around!

At one point whilst we were outside a guy came up...clearly pissed off his tits! He started chatting to us and asked us where we lived..

'Walthamstow'

'REALLY?'.....looking at Linda 'I'm from Walthamstow! We should swap numbers and hook up'

'No......we shouldn't'

'Oh? Why?'

'Cos I'm leaving, for Australia. No offence, it's been planned for a while, I didn't just decide!'

At which point another dude came over, having heard the word Australia, he was half Ozzie half South African...interesting accent.

The drunk guy now came into his own by exposing possibly the only redeeming things about him, a couple of awesome tattoos. On his left upper arm he had an amazingly intricate tattoo of a monster from the Alien movies. On his right shoulder he had the Predator, again, fantastic quality! Everyone seemed to be oohing over the Alien, but I liked the Predator better....but then I've always had a thing for guys with dreds.

I had 3 pints of Guinness whilst there and they didn't even seem to touch the sides. After an excellent night out listening to music and bopping at the back of the bar, I made it home relatively sober and before midnight.

What a bloody excellent evening, check out Bricktop!!

100 Post Milestone!

This is my 100th post! So I thought I'd give myself a cake...because I'm on a diet and no one else is going to give me one!! Have a bite!

I'm pretty happy with how the old bloggage is going so far, I'm sure the Crap Blog Detective will be along at some point to correct me and reduce me to a jibbering idiot in the corner, but ho hum, I won't be the first and I surely shan't be the last.

Since I added the StatCounter a few weeks ago I've been hooked, hooked and intrigued. I was most excited when I got my first non-UK hit, now I've had hits from every continent except the Arctic and Antarctica.....which, of course, I fully intend to visit purely so I can log in and get the full set. Ok ok, only one from both South America and Africa, but I'm working on it, ok? And, just because I'm that sad...here it is, my recent visitors map:

If you've ever visited before then one of those little pins is you. I know it's tiny, but this is the best I can do, sorry!

There are lots of you out there, do feel free to leave a comment every now and again, it's not polite to lurk you know! :D Maybe you can tell me which dot belongs to you....unless you live in London...I doubt you could decipher which is yours!

I'm off to have a cup of dodgy Spanish Earl Grey in celebration. You didn't expect an epic for my 100th did you? All this blog posting has knackered me right out.

I know how to do it in style.....Rock and Roll

Pre-8am

If you're a morning person you get to see some funny stuff.

As I left my house this morning and turned left as per normal I was confronted with this sight:

This humungous lorry was parked at the end of my road outside the allotments, for seemingly no reason whatsoever. There were 2 guys just sat in the cab, no evidence of off-loading. Evene if they WERE delivering...to where? I'm pretty sure I've never seen 'HORNY!' in the Co-op. Maybe one of the small newspaper shops is trying out the 'sex-sells' angle? After all it does 'Macht lust auf mehr', which BabelFish reliably informs me translates roughly to 'makes more desire'.

What's next? Sexy girls washing the windows in their bikinis?

I guess anything is worth a shot in todays economic climate.

..................................

The second funny thing that I.....and 3/4 of London saw is this.

For those of you who don't fancy following the link, basically, an ex-astronaut drove 1000 miles across the US from Houston to Orlando to launch an attack on a love rival.

Feasible...however, the part that this link doesn't mention, is that she was dressed in a wig and a nappy at the time. It seems she had the sense to cover up with a trenchcoat though.

Ah, all pre 8am....I wonder what other treats the day has in store for me?!