The day after the night before

I did pretty well I think, didn't consider myself too pissed to go home to my parents on my own, rather than trolling back to the Stow with Linda and Neil, dependent on being physically held up and slapped every now and again to maintain conciousness. I bimbled back to Croydon on the train and didn't even fall asleep!

So that's good!!

I spent a good portion of the crawl initially feeling a bit ill and hoping I wouldn't bring up the lovely baguette I'd had for lunch. I think I underestimate the effect my diet is having on the size of my stomach and appetite. The beer was just sitting on top of baguette and half a pint of milk...niiiiice!! That subsided later on by the time Anne, Linda and Neil had turned up, it seems Guinness settles my stomach somewhat, I TOLD everyone it was medicinal.....genius.

I do have some pictures which I'll post up here for you once I'm back on a computer that I'm pretty sure won't muller my memory card or photies.

We went for an Indian at the end of the night, has anyone been to Bangalore outside of Waterloo Station? It's awesome in there. When we walked in I spotted a set of booths on the righthand side. There were 4 or 5 booths along the wall, and then another row above them in bunk-bed style, so you had to climb a ladder to get up into the top ones. In true drunk style I immediately started wailing like a small toddler-banshee that I wanted to go 'Up there!! Up there!!!' They gave in and we scuttled up the ladder, where I proceeded to hang off the ladder taking photos from weird angles etc. I must have been the most fun EVER!!

We all had thali, which was larvely, although I couldn't finish all mine, I think Neil polished it off for me, that dude can sure pack it away.

All in all it was another very enjoyable afternoon, and, thanks to a late night msn chat, I stayed awake long enough to guzzle plenty of water, so there was no horrendous gross hangover this morning.

Excellenté

Bank Holiday Pub Crawl Fun

What are we all up to this bank holiday? I'm just grateful not to be at the zoo on a hot bank holiday shouting at the squiggle minkiez, and I now have some fun and games planned for the weekend.

Tomorrow, the Gruesome Foursome are taking the afternoon off and crawling the traditional crawl, the 'Original' crawl. Last time I made a map up to show you the all new 'Southbank' crawl, and so I thought I'd sit down and make a map of the 'Gruesome Foursome's Original Crawl'. I tell you what, we really were crawling by the end too!

So here it is:


View Holborn Pubcrawl in a larger map

Key:

Green equals optional, we don't always visit these pubs
Blue equals our traditional stops, ones we always stop at
Yellow equals a one or the other, we usually stop at either the Kings Arms or the Hole in the Wall....or both on dangerous occasions
Red stands for danger, we have been known to get a bit overenthused in our intoxicated states and stumble into extra establishments. These are those.

So, the list of pubs is as follows:

The Lamb, traditional starting/ending place for work Christmas parties
The Princess Louise which serves Sam Smiths, very nice, and very cheap. I have a penchant for the wheat beer. Lovely pub with snugs all round the bar.
The Ship Tavern, a little hidden out of the way, but nice
Bar Polska, just across from the ship, nice raspberry vodka and a big cock painted on the wall
The Seven Stars, good venue for a bit of Welsh singing we've found, a little pokey, but nice atmosphere
Ye Old Cheshire Cheese, fabulous place, full of character, very dingy but lots of little nooks and crannies. Just watch your head on those low ceilings and winding staircases.
The Blackfriar, can be really busy, although last time was Christmas, nice pub
Doggetts Coat and Badge, ahh, features in most of our crawls, serves a strange looking green beer
Kings Arms, forgive me, I remember not much by this point
Hole in the Wall, just what it says...a hole. By this point we're usually so drunk we're just muttering, or dancing to no music etc etc.

Optional Extras

The Windmill Tavern, lovely pub I seem to remember, apologies to the patrons for the last time we were there
The Wellington, a big place outside Waterloo, again, I don't remember too much, it's big though......

So yes, we sometimes skip the Lamb and move straight onto the Princess Louise, although we've never got there in time to snag a snug, we're always ousted to the public domain :(. Probably mainly because we always end up there on a Friday payday!

We sometimes miss out the Polish Bar too, if we're in a hurry. We say that it's either the Kings Arms or the HITW, but generally, we always seem to end up in the HITW for one...regardless of if we've been to the Kings Arms or not, and we almost always make tits of ourselves.

Here are a couple of snaps from the first time we did this crawl, I may have some more for you after this weekend :)

*warning* contains ramblings of a sexual nature ;)

Ever had one of THOSE msn conversations? I'm sure most of us have at some time or another, I think some people call it cybersex. Well, I didn't have one of those conversations last night.......

......but......

Twas a conversation with a lovely young man I know only fleetingly and although highly graphic in a sexual way, it really wasn't cybersex at all. The insinuation that one of us may intend to inflict these heinous deeds upon the other popped up ever so briefly a couple of times, but apart from that, no.

It revolved mainly around our, or his, fantasies (I'm crap with fantasies, no imagination....'I'll have some willy please, lovely, thank you'). I was particularly intrigued by his strange desire for planned spontenaity. Spontaneous seduction of a female person, but it's all planned beforehand, probably a safety net against the 'what the feck are you putting your hand on my knee for???' I suspect the REAL desire is to go out and authentically spontaneously seduce a young lady-person, but there's either an initial lack of confidence or complete control-freakery going on (one suspects the latter with a dash of the former). There was also lots of question asking and answering, both of us confessing to a number of past indiscretions.

So my main wonderment is, can people have a conversation...asking each other about their deepermost sexual fantasies, confessing innermost desires, without it being cybersexual?

I'm not sure it can, I'll confess to a slight buzz in my loins (apologies for inflicting that mental image upon you) during the conversation, whether that was due to the conversation itself or the stimulating-but-somewhat-lacking-in-intellectual-content urls he sent me is up for contention.

Url's are the STD's of the interwebz you know. I may have to visit my IT guy about my cyber-syphilis, are you reading this Wilf? Expect a visit very soon :)

Well done for getting this far, what are your thoughts kind readers? Is sexy conversation an art, delicately playing around a subject, designed to heighten arousal whilst maintaining a discrete barrier? Or does it mean we're both frustrated and depraved sexual beings who are likely to boil over and wallop the next unlucky human being round the face with a frozen trout?

Culmination: us running off together into the sunset to engage in a frantic orgy-ball....like what frogs do....

* I REALLY hope my mother doesn't still read this blog...hi mum*

Squiggle Minkies

No, you're quite right, these are aardvarks, not squirrel monkeys! They're just here for fun.

Most of my 'constant readers' *snort!* will know that I volunteer at the zoo. It can be a mixed blessing, especially being team leader, but most of the time it yields experiences that remind you why you do it.

Today was one such day, it was hot as hell, the baby lion cubs have just been spread over the papers and so there were plenty of people in, and I had 10 volunteers.....count them....T E N!! (they did a fab job, always harder when there are less people in) And, AND, I had 2 half hour sessions solo in squirrel monkeys.

Squirrel monkeys is notorious, those little critters are either running round and stealing cameras, causing general havoc, or they're hiding away where no one can see them and it's very disappointing for visitors. SM is one of those exhibits that gets my blood pressure up, I have been known to grab a child by the back of his trousers and suspend him in the air whilst bellowing 'WHOSE CHILD IS THIS???!!!'. Needless to say noone owned up to being the bearer of the noxious little troll.

Anywhoo....

I was VERY lucky today, considering I was by myself, it was one of those quiet days. The sun was out and very intense, the minkies don't like this. They also don't like wind or heavy rain...divas. It was very quiet for my first stint and they only came out towards the end of the shift. The worst thing when it's quiet is the pigeon-teases. There are 2 or 3 hefty wood pigeons that stroll through the undergrowth making monkey-esque noises. It's really rather embarrassing when you have to keep saying 'actually....I think you'll find that's a pigeon....'. One of my personal favouries during this quiet time is the 'don't you HAVE any monkeys then??' accompanied by a hands on hips and frown. Today I replied:

'No. It's a little-known fact that the Zoo don't, in fact, have any monkeys in their monkey enclosures. But we DO employ these kindly pigeon-folk to walk around and rustle the bushes...it's soo much cheaper. Move along now...thank you :)'

Ok, no, I didn't really...I REALLY wanted to though :(

One of the best things about squirrel monkeys at the moment is the baby. She is adorable, she was adorable when she was clinging onto mummy, but she's even better now she's making her own way around. She's the one who gave me my 'this is all worth it' moment for today when I returned for my second shift in the afternoon.

She's not quite confident enough to get on the ropes yet, so she moves around using the bushes that are thick in squirrel monkeys, you always see her following the others around. Today, at about 5pm, the monkeys were fed indoors, not all of them were out, but those that were made some loud squeals and ran straight indoors. About 30 seconds later you could hear the rustling, and the bushes moving ever so slightly, and there she was. Still not entirely sure of her footing she was wobbling from one branch to another, tripping, falling and swinging through the branches of the bushes in an effort to catch up with mum and the other girls. There were a couple of moments when I thought she'd end up on the floor, but she made it in the end. All I could think of was that little rhino at the end of the stampede in Jumanji, the one that can't quite keep up.

Ahhhh, it did make me smile :)

Image Cred Caroline Stocks

South East Asia - panic panic!!

First let me start by noting that I appear to have a new follower, the lovely Tom Webb. He's a fab little (pocket-sized) comedian (watches follower-count drop to 5), he runs some nights in London, so check out his blog for those. No, he's not paying me for this so I'll stop now, unless he coughs up £50....

......I hate having comedian followers, it makes me feel like I should say something funny........

Anyway

I GOT MY 3 MONTHS UNPAID LEAVE TO GO TRAVELLING NEXT YEAR!!

Wheeeeeeeeew!! I'd been given the impression that higher management at my workplace were distinctly disapproving of unpaid leave, and so I felt a twinge of trepidation when I sent the form to HR. However!! All turned out to be ok and I've recieved the all clear to take April, May and June off next year :o)

Now, you may remember the post I made earlier this year about my plans for travelling South America. As well as South America I want to travel SE Asia and Africa, and seeing as I now have only 7 months (argh) before wandering off, I thought I'd go with SE Asia. Being the first time I've really gone off and done such a lot of travelling by myself, I think that Asia will be more of a 'dipping my toe' experience than South America, and certainly hard-core Africa. It seems that every country I'm interested in in Africa has come kind of civil unrest going on........GAH!!

I'm really excited, nw I've got the time off it seems so much more real, once I have my ticket to Bangkok I'll be pretty much pooping myself. I plan to travel the mainland then move onto Indonesia, then for a week in Sydney where my mate Linda will be living.

I fully intend to have reached my goal weight by this point....and then EAT my way around the mainland, chopsticks anda knife and fork is all I'll pack.

7 months..........shitehouses!!!

Keep your eyes peeled for another of my enthralling interactive google-maps showing you my planned route...you know how much I loves my google-maps :o)

Love and Losing Weight

Twas the dreaded Weight-In last night, I was wibbling over whether to go last night or not as I hadn't had the best week, but due to a challenge which I won't go into here but shall write about on SaladCake at some point, I decided I should face the music. I'm only cheating myself if I bail out after all. I lost 1lb strangely enough, lucky bird I am.

All in all, I have now lost 1st 12.5lb, and it's made a huge difference to my figure. I'm still a pretty hefty 12st 4lb and have a little way to go before my BMI is within a healthy range, but any further weight I lose is likely to be less noticeable unless you attack me with a tapemeasure.

I'm really pleased because I've lost a lot of what I was holding around my waist, which was making me a rather unpleasant barrel shape, and although they've shrunk with me, the old boobies haven't disappeared into the ether.

One side-effect is a distinct increase in male attention.

Most of it is quite subtle....or as subtle as men get (lets be honest), glances in the street and that kind of thing. However, there have been the odd wolf-whistles, and yesterday I was slightly perturbed by a muscle-bound goon working on a job outside my office who just stared at me in the manner of a psychopath as I walked past him.

Let me just emphasize that I am in no way, shape or form beating them off with a stick, I've not had even a hint of romance (except one tragic date) since I started at weight watchers. But this sly, tangible increase in attention has caused some slight cynicism to develop. I'm exactly the same person I was, just a little slimmer, just goes to show what really catches a mans eye!

I risk starting to sound like a bitter, sarcastic man-hater, but far from using my cynicism for evil, I shall use it for the power of good :o). Opportunities have to be weighed up as they arise and I shall be keeping my beady eye out for Jack-the-Lads trying their luck at random, but it may also mean I get to meet some nice guys. After all, despite my mewlings, appearances ARE the first things you notice about somebody (unless you're on the interwebz...and that's a WHOLE different ball game!).

Sigh.....

Maybe I should ask out that guy who's been chatting me up for years regardless of my size and shape.........that would shock him.

Horsies and socks....but not at the same time

Nicki and I went horse-riding a few weekends back and had a simply marvellous time, we shall definitely be going again.

It was certainly an experience to remember, here are a list of things that went wrong:

• At work on the day we were going I found out Nicki had a minor fear of horsies after an altercation with a policehorse......don't ask
  
  
• On the train, we realised that Nicki had brought pointy-toed kitten-heeled shoes to ride the horsie with.

• The B&B was a BIT further away than we expected...and we walked from the station

• When we got to the B&B we decided that Nicki would wear my work boots as I had brought my cowboy ones for riding. Then we realised Nicki had brought no socks.

• My suggestion of cunningly fashioning a pair of socks from some leggings was thrown out, accompanied by snorts of derision.

• At breakfast the following morning, Nickis request to borrow socks from the owner of the B&B was met by a confused/amused/scared reaction....

• Aformentioned owner then returned to ask what kind of socks she would like....loudly....with other guests in the room.....and that she doesn't wear socks, so she'll have to borrow her husbands. Nicki promises she'll wash them and post them back.

• Aformentioned husband is adamant he doesn't want his socks sent back to him in the post......and proceeds to take the piss out of Nicki the entire way to the stables (he kindly drove us....maybe he thought us too simple to make our own way).

• We arrive pretty much last and so get the two horses that they saddle up last in the hopes they won't have to take them out. Mine looks like suspiciously like a rhino shagged a shirehorse, mine is called Cheyenne, Nickis is Chakotay.

• We have to wear STUPID riding hats with big leather stetsons sellotaped to the top!

• Nickis horse is behind mine and keeps biting my horses arse...luckily they're mates apparently.

• Cheyenne decides the greenery to the left over there looks really yummy!! Slips down a ditch and almost throws me over his head....bastard.

• Chakotay bimbles along staring at the floor whilst Cheyenne trots off behind the teacher. Looks up to realise that his mate has buggered off some way in the distance and promptly sets into a gallop to catch up, taking Nicki with him!

• Nicki's horse is quite large, the guys behind her has a very short horse. Nickis horse is constantly guffing, right into this poor guys face. I think at one point he had his mouth open.

• Upon disembarking, they give us no stool, and so by the time I've slid down the side of my small mammoth, my left foot, still in the stirrup, is at about face height....glmourous and ladylike.

• Our horsies don't want to talk to us after all the kicking, swearing and pulling. Cheyenne in particular kept stomping his feet at me, stomping is bad right???

• For about 5 days afterwards my ass feels like one giant bruise, sitting down and getting up is a chore, I consider sleeping upside down like a bat, I can just let gravity do it's thing in the morning, rather than struggling out of bed like a 90 year old with arthritis of the everything.

I may have given you the wrong impression. Both Nicki and I really, really enjoyed ourselves on this trip....though perhaps I think we only realised this an hour or two after the hole experience. Whilst on the horses we were trying so hard to stay in control that we couldn't think of anything else :D

The B&B did somewhat make the trip too, it was a gorgeous little converted house....we had the noisiest air con in the world...but at least we had it!

The lady who ran it was called Linda and I can't remember her husbands name, Mike maybe? The scene at breakfast was the most hilarious I've ever experienced she even came back in with the socks for Nicki, at breakfast, which Nicki promptly hid under the table...face beetroot red!

For any City Slickers who have never been ohrse riding in their entire lives, I'd say get out there and do it, an experience many take for granted that you don't want to miss out on :o)

Img Cred: Noel Kingsley