Monday, 27 July 2009

Horsies and socks....but not at the same time

Nicki and I went horse-riding a few weekends back and had a simply marvellous time, we shall definitely be going again.

It was certainly an experience to remember, here are a list of things that went wrong:
  • At work on the day we were going I found out Nicki had a minor fear of horsies after an altercation with a policehorse......don't ask

  • On the train, we realised that Nicki had brought pointy-toed kitten-heeled shoes to ride the horsie with.

  • The B&B was a BIT further away than we expected...and we walked from the station

  • When we got to the B&B we decided that Nicki would wear my work boots as I had brought my cowboy ones for riding. Then we realised Nicki had brought no socks.

  • My suggestion of cunningly fashioning a pair of socks from some leggings was thrown out, accompanied by snorts of derision.

  • At breakfast the following morning, Nickis request to borrow socks from the owner of the B&B was met by a confused/amused/scared reaction....

  • Aformentioned owner then returned to ask what kind of socks she would like....loudly....with other guests in the room.....and that she doesn't wear socks, so she'll have to borrow her husbands. Nicki promises she'll wash them and post them back.

  • Aformentioned husband is adamant he doesn't want his socks sent back to him in the post......and proceeds to take the piss out of Nicki the entire way to the stables (he kindly drove us....maybe he thought us too simple to make our own way).

  • We arrive pretty much last and so get the two horses that they saddle up last in the hopes they won't have to take them out. Mine looks like suspiciously like a rhino shagged a shirehorse, mine is called Cheyenne, Nickis is Chakotay.

  • We have to wear STUPID riding hats with big leather stetsons sellotaped to the top!

  • Nickis horse is behind mine and keeps biting my horses arse...luckily they're mates apparently.

  • Cheyenne decides the greenery to the left over there looks really yummy!! Slips down a ditch and almost throws me over his head....bastard.

  • Chakotay bimbles along staring at the floor whilst Cheyenne trots off behind the teacher. Looks up to realise that his mate has buggered off some way in the distance and promptly sets into a gallop to catch up, taking Nicki with him!

  • Nicki's horse is quite large, the guys behind her has a very short horse. Nickis horse is constantly guffing, right into this poor guys face. I think at one point he had his mouth open.

  • Upon disembarking, they give us no stool, and so by the time I've slid down the side of my small mammoth, my left foot, still in the stirrup, is at about face height....glmourous and ladylike.

  • Our horsies don't want to talk to us after all the kicking, swearing and pulling. Cheyenne in particular kept stomping his feet at me, stomping is bad right???

  • For about 5 days afterwards my ass feels like one giant bruise, sitting down and getting up is a chore, I consider sleeping upside down like a bat, I can just let gravity do it's thing in the morning, rather than struggling out of bed like a 90 year old with arthritis of the everything.

I may have given you the wrong impression. Both Nicki and I really, really enjoyed ourselves on this trip....though perhaps I think we only realised this an hour or two after the hole experience. Whilst on the horses we were trying so hard to stay in control that we couldn't think of anything else :D

The B&B did somewhat make the trip too, it was a gorgeous little converted house....we had the noisiest air con in the world...but at least we had it!

The lady who ran it was called Linda and I can't remember her husbands name, Mike maybe? The scene at breakfast was the most hilarious I've ever experienced she even came back in with the socks for Nicki, at breakfast, which Nicki promptly hid under the table...face beetroot red!

For any City Slickers who have never been ohrse riding in their entire lives, I'd say get out there and do it, an experience many take for granted that you don't want to miss out on :o)

Img Cred: Noel Kingsley

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