Friday, 4 December 2009

Oggs and Sprogs go Joyriding

Oh yes, check this mother out...Oggs and Sprogs in an unmarked vehicle. Can anyone possibly conceive of anything more terrifying?

It wasn't just the joy of riding though...oh no...we were on a mini crime (or at least..slightly anti-social behaviour) spree.

Whilst in Halfords we hung around in corners surrepticiously farting and then running away (actually, that was mostly me..but I like to involve Jo where I can).

We also spent lots of time sniffing air fresheners, thereby blocking access to other people who might have wanted to sniff air fresheners...and also probably looking like we were going to pocket a couple and drive off in the unmarked vehicle.

We spent quite a bit of time hovering round the wheelchair section daring each other to sit down in one so the other could push her around screaming like some kind of mentalist low-budget emergency services vehicle.

All in all we kept the 7ft something security guard on his toes...oh yes we did. He might have looked menacing, but we'd have 'ad him with the knitting needles in Jo's bag had it been required, complete with semi-completed scarf and ball of wool hanging off them.

You'd think this reign of terror would have ended once Jo's numberplates were replaced. Ok, I confess, we didn't remove them ourselves in preparation for half an hour of havoc in Halfords (alliteration). They were, in fact, stolen by some Stow twat who's been using them for petrol drive offs and who knows what number of other evil offences. Clearly not on our level of mischief...amateur.

The replacement of the plates at Halfords should have quietened our behaviour, we were identifiable now...well, Jo was. Havoc at Halfords had only whetted our appetite, we were headed for Trouble at TESCO, and after going round the one way system roughly 2.5 times, we were on our way.

I've built this up shamelessly and you'll be highly disappointed, I'm not sure how much actual trouble you can get out of a lightbulb, a shower curtain and two cheeses for £2. However, this is where we had our first real brush with lawbreaking.

Whilst mincing innocently down the wine aisle (shocker right), one of our carefully selected bottles of red (2 for £10) slipped from the basket Jo was carrying and smashed all over the floor.


Resisting my natural urge to fall to my hands and knees with a straw...or not, I went to the tills and let the supervisor know that there 'had been a breakage in the wine aisle'. Note how I carefully deflected blame. I then returned swiftly to the scene of the crime to find Jo hanging around the breakage in a folorn kind of way. Taking charge of the situation I went back and picked up another bottle of wine....most important! I then kicked the bigger pieces of glass into the centre of the puddle to avoid accidents, waited for the tannoy to go out calling for the janitor and then bundled Jo away quickly before they arrived.

AHA HA!!!!

We had gotten away with it. This was rather too close to real criminal activity for our liking though, and we decided it was time for home, warm, wine and cheese.

Jo did eat a Caramac Bar whilst driving home though.....dodgy


  1. Meep meep, here comes the Ogs Mobile. wooohooo....

    That was traumatic that trip to Tesco. I think the excitement was all too much after my day of working at home and It all went downhill once I got those new plates.

    If anything, I think the Caramac helped!

  2. It was all a bit fraught wasn't it, I must confess I was relieved to hit the sofa.

    Mmmm, cheese and onion sandwich