Lobster Red

Oh noes!!

I resemble a lobster!

And this after I sent an email round to my zoo volunteers this morning telling them to remember sun lotion for tomorrow. I'll turn up tomorrow with my big tomato face poking out of the top of my white zoo shirt and they will POINT AND LAUGH!

At least I would it it were the other way round

My mission if I choose to accept it is to avoid all sunlight until I've taken my own advice and bought some suncream

*shame*

Do you like the pic? I aim to educate AND entertain :)

img cred

Epic Diet FAIL!!!!

Oh the horror the horror!! This should go on saladcake really but what the hey? :o)

I knew the pubcrawls would be my downfall, I knew it from the start. To give myself credit though, I think I did rather well considering, I did, however, consume more than half of my daily points over the top....in alcohol.

*shame*

It was going ok on the beer front, 2 pints and 2 bottles, 9 points in total and I'd been purposely saving during the week for this event, so I'd saved up 9 points already. Then in the last pub I had a pint and the Wiluf said he was hungry...this set my tummy rumbling too. Then he uttered those all important seductive words....'there's a Pizza Express round the corner'. Images of Legerra Gustosa flitted through my brain and I was beaten.

Linda went home at this point, not wanting to drink anymore and spoil her afternoons horse riding today, very sensible. The Wiluf and I pootled along to Pizza Express. We get strange looks in restaurants when we wander in together, the same strange looks that my dad and I get when we eat together. Those 'so what's going on here then?' kind of looks! You can see nosy ladies sneaking glances and trying to fathom out whether I'm a money-grabbing, gold-digging hussy, or if I'm a kindly young lady accompanying daddy out for dinner.....never occurs that it might be neither apparently.

I got a pizza cutter with my pizza! Result! I'm not sure what they do with these Leggera crusts but they're exceedingly tough. In my excitement at eating pizza and my impatience to stuff it into my gob I almost broke myself trying desperately to saw chunks off last time. We shared a bottle of vino....oh the points the POINTS!! Think of the points.

Just to top it all of I had a bloody pudding too..all was lost by that point anyway...whats the harm in a little frozen low-fat yoghurt eh?? After all....low fat dairy binds to fat and makes you poop more fat out....oh yes, I learn from telleh...yes I do. Fatty, alchoholic poop for the win!!


View Southbank crawl in a larger map

It was a fab night though, we started off at the Tattershall Castle, which was...as Linda suspected...a bit of a zoo on a Friday night. It's the one at Embankment on a boat. I looked it up earlier in the day on a pub website and under description it had 4 words:

'Pub on a boat'

Well done the editor.

We then moved on and wandered across the river, finding joy in walking through the pictures of stupid people trying to take pictures on a crowded bridge. The next place was the National Theatre Bar where Linda and I perved on barmen whilst Wilf bought some drinks. We hadn't managed to find a seat so we propped ourselves up at a standing table outside near the entrance, where we proceeded to pass judgement on the garments of passing innocents. As if we could talk, Linda and I aren't known best for our fashion conciousness.

Pub numero 3 was Doggetts, this place is now like a milestone, no matter what crawl we're on we have to pop in for one. It was uber busy and there were no seats outside again, until a troupe of drunken old dudes got up and wandered off. We made a rush but still got there at the same time as a bunch of others. Wiluf, being the gentleman that he is, stood whilst Linda and I threw ourselves into the 2 remaining seats...I'm not actually sure he had much choice, but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. They were serving some strange green stuff, which we were later reliably informed was named 'Green Beer'...imaginative. We were also told it tasted like shite...which probably explained the half full glasses littering many tables.

Next was the Founders Arms, Greg would have approved as it was a Youngs pub. We sat inside here, but it felt outsidey as all the window-walls appeared to open onto the decking outside. It were lovely it were, Wilf had a grump because the music was too loud and he didn't recognise it /insert age funny here :o). It was another zoo and we moved on pretty quickly from this place...even though the music was quite good.

The last pub before naughty pizza was The Anchor, it had all fairy lights on the outside, and I like sparkly things, oh yes I do. You had to walk for what seemed like forever to get to the loos, hidden away in a back room. We finally found a table here with 3 guys, who ran away about ten minutes after we arrived, I can't remember what we were talking about...but it's usually that which drives people away.

Twas lovely, lovely! I am now contemplating walking from home to Oxford Street on Tuesday, pre weigh-in :o)

Long walks and BEER!

Ahhh, weigh-in last night, not as good a news as it has been for the past 2 weeks, but a loss nonetheless :o)

We were wandering off to the pub for a birthday celebration later, but we had lots of time to kill in between. Being the cheapskate I am I had scoured the interwebz for buy one get one free Pizza Express vouchers. I'd been wanting to try the new Leggera pizza for ages. So we tootled off to the Express and I had the Gustosa, prosciutto ham, mozzarella, peppers and nom nom nomness!

Whilst chatting the usual shite over dinner, and attempting to remember exactly WHERE this pub was we were supposed to go to (ever organised), Oggers suggested walking to Oxford Street. My initial instinctive reaction was 'WHAT??' But we still had ages to kill, and after the split second of incredulity I realised that it would be good to work off the pizza and offset those beers we were setting up for.

In all, including a brief foray into Sainsburies for a card, and Burger King for a pee, we probably walked for just over an hour, that on top of the walk around Leyton shallow ponds the day before, Oggers and I are becoming quite the ramblers.

When we finally found the pub we realised how close it was to another pub we've been to once or twice....and I was pleasantly surprised to find it was a Sam Smiths! Not that it made much difference to my pocket, Oggers was very kindly treating me last night due to my being extremely destitute at the arse end of this month, but Sam Smiths is cheapy cheap :) It wasn't long before JennyMay and her merry men turned up, her mates are absolutely lovely, and we met her brother for the first time.

It was a lovely evening and only 3 pints, which is good by Oglet/Sproglet standards, still had a nasty headache this morning though, it's only just going away now *rolleyes*

Will I never learn??

Dirty Dancing and Bra Hell

Friday was GREAT! Half day at work which is always good news I think you'll agree :o)

Nicki and I took mum to see Dirty Dancing, it was her birthday pressie, she didn't know where we were going until we were literally just outside the theatre, then she got all excited blesser! Being the half 3 showing, there were quite a few old ladies there, all tittering and eyeing up posters of the leading man.

I think in a way they had tried to fit too much in, they did get absolutely EVERYTHING from the film in, but as a result, there were quite a few very short scenes that didn't seem to gel very well or add anything pertinent to the story. There was also a racial tension thread running through it that I had never noticed in the film (though I haven't watched it for a LONG time).

Nicki has watched it since and says that it IS there, but very played down, they've made much more of a thing of it in the stage show, to the extent of adding whole scenes talking about it, it was quite interesting.

The girl who played Baby was fantastic, and her hair looked exacly like the film characters. The guy playing Johnny was a bit young....but VERY fit :o) He showed his worth in the final scenes with his solo dancing at the head of the group coming down the aisle....nom nom nom!

We had some young ladies in the row in front of us, I mean young as in between 9 and 13/14 I guess. They got the giggles when the sexy scene came and Johnny took Baby's dress off....that was quite funny. Some old biddies were in the seats behind me, and I kept turning round to glare at them when they nattered too loudly. I wouldn't have minded if they'd at least tried to keep it to a whisper! Gah!!

So the rest of the weekend was lovely, it's been so long since I've had a chilled out weekend off, no zoo, no St John, and it was a bank holiday too :o)

On Saturday I saw Wolverine with Vicky, that film is fabulous! If you're a fan of the X-Men films I really would recommend it, it really tells the story of where Wolverine came from and why he is the messed up doode that he is. It's quite obviously all a big set up for another film where he remembers who he is and goes after the guy who did it to him too. Great!! As an added bonus he spends A LOT of time with his top off, and you even get bum shots, BUM SHOTS!!!! I was getting most unneccesarily excited.

We went back to Vicky's and spent much time harrassing the kitties and baking willy cookies (which turned out heavenly I must say). The purpose of the willy cookies was for the Ann Summers Party Vicky was hosting later, we iced a personal willy for each lady. Ann Summers was muchly fun, I'm distinctly poor this month after excessive present-buying, but I splashed out on a pair of knickers and a cool nightshirt....my tamest Ann Summers purchases EVER!

Sunday was lovely and chilled out. I finally dragged myself out of the pit at about half 10 in the morning and had brekkie in the garden with the fambly. In the morning I think we all just read/chatted, faffed in the garden and around the house for a while. Nicki and I made salads for lunch and then went off shopping.

During the morning, however, I had a horrible reality check! I decided I needed a new bra or two, mine are quite old, and they get quite scabby don't they? Yes they do. So I thought I'd double check my size and found the Figleaves website and their flash boobie size doodah. Plugged in my measurements and 'What the fu.......?' I have been wearing 38B's, and I'm reliably informed that I am actually a 42C!! Argh!!

During our shopping trip I was most appalled to discover that most lingerie shops stop at 38's! What is this all about? Big Boobist bastards! I have a new found empathy with my mother and every other big boobed lady out there, how have they been doing it? I found myself in Mark and Sparks looking over what at first appeared to be racks of watermelon bags.......no...they were bra's alright.

So now I'm scaffolded to the nines....must say, much more comfortable than what I was wearing though....who knew :o)

Sunday night was Come Dine With Me (Croydon episode) and if I EVER meet that KNOB Christian, I'm gnna smack him round the chops with a king crab leg......a king crab leg that's cooked to perfection.

Tosspot.

Monday morning Nicki and I watched Britains Got Talent (we missed it on Sunday night for Come Dine with Me.....oh yes, I'm catching up on me telleh!).

On Monday afternoon Oggers and I decided to have a little get together. I grabbed my (hers...I stole it) TESCO Bag for Life and stuffed it with lots of low(ish) fat goodies. We had a veritable salady feast, it was most delicious!! We then set off for a nice healthy walk around the shallow lakes along the South edge of Epping Forest (South? I may be wrong). We trundled twice around the ponds and then gave up and wandered to a pub for a Guinness. This one cannot be blamed on Jo, this was entirely my idea *shame*. We only had one, and then we set of home. It was a lovely long walk though, good exermacise for us both.

Back at Oggers we watched a double bill of Corrie, and then Eastenders...and the Britains Got Talent....we like all that educational stuff. We were very pleased with the acts that made it though and procrastinated over the wisdom of our nation from our prostrate positions on the sofa.

Ahhhhhhh, I'll get back to blogging more often very soon I promise. I still have a great post idea lined up, when I get the time :D

Rant, rant, swear, rant!!

Oooooooooooh!! I definitely have a dose of the PMT this morning. I appear to be flying off the handle at very small things. I know exactly what I'm doing, and why, but I have no control over it whatsoever, grrr, grrrr, GRRRRR!!

I was remarkably placid on the journey into work today, despite the fun and games....no one had yet provoked my ire. The Victoria line is closed due to strike action and I had forgotten, luckily Katrin reminded me! (Housemate). So I pootled off to Walthamstow Central to get on a train to Liverpool Street. These trains were packed! They were packed when they arrived and people were squeezing themselves on like sardines, it was all very unnecessary. That might float some peoples boat, but it certainly doesn't float mine. I went off to get a bus which would take me the same way, and about 10 times slower, but it was EMPTY! So I didn't care :o)

Got to work an hour late, but I'm staying behind for an hour cos of St John so we're A-Ok.

Jo is CLEARLY a hex upon Get Happy at the Green Man, it was cancelled again last night due to lack of audience, in fact, Myself and Uncle Barry were the only audience there. I was quite disappointed myself, but only because I had agreed to be one comedians glamourous assistant, I didn't even get to put my sequins and feathers on :o(. So, the inevitable, we just started drinking. We met and hug out with a lovely Irish comedian named Simon, I don't think we ever caught the surname, and we all just drank beer and talked shite until we got thrown out. A good evening was had by all methinks.

Uncle Barry was very amusing I have to say!!

Many points over again I suspect, I'm going to have to do some exercise this week if I want to stay the same or lose anything, it's all going horiibly wrong. I blame that Oggers, she's a bad influence on me :o)

Huzzah!! and Genghis Khan

The Wilerf cured my bloggage!! Thank dog for mates who know how to use the compootah. Thank you Wilerf.

Now, I'm pretty sure all the colours won't be right, but I tried me best, if it looks a bit different then apologies! :o)



I finished the last in the Conqueror series by Conn Iggulden yesterday. I can't even describe how awesome these books are. If you're into historical narrative then PLEASE read these books. He's also written the Emperor series, all about the life of Julius Caeser, and is planning on 2 more books to follow Conqueror, about Genghis's grandson Kublai Khan. Iggulden himself admits that in places he sacrifices a degree of historical accuracy for the sake of the narrative, but I promise it will transport you back hundreds of years, you'll feel like you're there among the characters. My favourite writer for sure. Ah, gush over now....I want to marry him, 'Tell me more stories Conn.....Oh I DO love you'



Comedy tonight, Oggers is on, we'll see if it goes live this time, the last time we were there it got cancelled due to Oggers and myself being the only 2 audience members. It ended badly with us getting uber drunk and suggesting an ill-advised threesome with a poor sober comedian. Still, I'm sure he can use us as material now.

Apologies

For the state of my blog at the moment, the HTML seem to have buggered up somewhere along the line, but I'm going to have to wait until I have enough time to sit and look at it!

Given that I know absolutely zero about HTML that could be great fun.......

Good Luck Blog, get better soon...