Monday, 9 November 2009

Gargh!!


I have a stinky presentation to give tomorrow and I don't wanna!

It's pathetic really, it's 5 minutes...to one person...and I'm doing it specifically because he knows I have a problem with public speaking, so I'm guessing he's not expecting me to be any good.

I'm not sure what this problem is that I have with public speaking. When I was a kid I was terminally shy. I mean REALLY shy, not that you'd know it now. These days I can approach strangers and start conversations, I can even go up to people in the fish and chip shop and order something (never would have as a kid). Yet I have this massive public speaking hangover

Red, flustered and stuttery. A flustered, stuttery beetroot. Reduced to a vegetable.

So....I've been running through what I'll say, I inflicted a stunted version upon my mother yesterday and Wilfy helped me by printing my garish visual aid out in A2 today. I'm hoping the bright colours will distract him from the piss-poor content of my presentation.

I'm going to get an early night and get up early tomorrow morning, trudge into work and run through a couple more times before I meet him at 9am.....

Wish me luck guys, I'll report back on my progress.

One thing is for sure, I'll be needing Party Piece tomorrow night!

Img Cred

Bravery!

Oggers and I went on a little Comedy Road Trip last night to The LOL Show in High Wycome. I could tell Jo was a little anxious about the whole thing....for a start...we were leaving over 2 hours before we needed to be there! Unprecedented!! UNPRECEDENTED.

I was impressed!

Mr Cee, the compére and promotor..I think...had offered Jo the gig after she helped out a few nights at the Comedy School during the graduations and stuff. It may have been partly a little test....'Do you really want it?' It's not the kind of venue Jo normally plays, would she be willing to go out of her way and take a risk?

She did....I was impressed! And I could tell she was a bit nervous about it. Especially after he said 'bring your tightest and most polished 10 minutes'.

Jo being her normal self-deprecating self, responded 'No Pressure then??', thinking...you've seen what I've got mate! The fact is though, he offered her the gig having seen what she'd got, and that tells you something. I think quite often that Jo doesn't give herself enough credit for her comeday, everyone has their off nights, but I've personally seen her storm the place with a few different sets. Contrary to popular belief...the beer alone isn't enough to keep me going to see her.

So, we'll ignore the car journey that started well and ended in some angst. Jo realised too late that when you put a road atlas on my lap...it's LITERALLY there just for show. I was concentrating more on the written out directions she had given me...and I even got those wrong. All those junctions, roundabout, numbers and letters. They mean nothing to me!!

Get me a bastard A-Z and I'll find us a way out ok?!!

We finally arrive at the venue, The Littentree. It's unlike any other comedy venue I've been to, in that it's just in the bar, not a room upstairs. As an audience member I found it offputting that there was a massive railing around the stage. Clearly, this is because it's usually used as a dancefloor, and the railing is to prevent drunkards falling off and cracking their skulls open. It puts a barrier between you and the act though...I wasn't keen.

You could tell from the way the room was filling up that this wasn't your standard London comedy venue/set out. There were some people who were sat around tall tables with their backs to the act (although to give them their due, I think they swivelled when acts were on). I got the impression that there would be quite a bit of chatter and activity going on whilst the comedy was in full swing. I wasn't sure if all the people who were there had actually come for the comedy, or just a night out, and comedy happened to be there.....would they know comedy ettiquette? WOULD THEY? Or was I going to spend the whole evening arms crossed with a grumpy look on my face...shooting acid glances at anyone daring to start a conversation? As it happens, Mr Cee did remind people at various intervals of Comedy Ettiqeutte, which I thought was cool.

I was nervous for Jo, Mr Cee had arrived late (through no fault of his own I believe) and as a result the show started an hour late, which is always a bad start, makes people restless. I've heard great things about Mr Cee, but even he struggled with this audience. He admitted he was slightly off the ball, but the audience was quite unresponsive and really wasn't helping him along at all....living up to my expectations...grrrrr.

I must just add here that I'm one of those audience members who I guess comedians either love or hate. Unless the set is REALLY awful I will always sit there and laugh, whoop, clap and smile. Sometimes it's so awful even I can't manage that..but those are rare occasions. If you're the kind of comedian who thrives on constructive criticism I'm not your girl, but if you just like to see a smiley face....just one smiley face in the audience...that's me. I consider it polite!

Anywhoo, Jo went on first, to an audience that had already proved their slight lack of enthusiasm. But she totally went for it! Knowing her set back to front and having discussed bits and bobs with her beforehand, I could tell she made a couple of mistakes....mostly due to the stony-faced cow in the front row who refused to crack a smile....but they wouldn't have been discernible to the first-time listener. She was projecting, dynamic and confident I thought. Even when she forgot where she was for a second, she recovered quickly.

Most importantly, there were people laughing....we like it when people laugh.

Whilst I was sitting there watching, it struck me how incredibly brave it is of her to go up there and do that. Totally out of her comfort zone, strange venue, strange audience, new show. I've often told people how crap-in-my-knickers scared I get when I have to do any form of public speaking...I'm crapping myself at having to do a 5-minute presentation to ONE person tomorrow...but to do it in that situation? You wouldn't see me for dust.

I imagine that there are milestones and learning experiences for every comedian and I think that was an awesome one for Jo, she'll be tougher and more confident at new venues, and she'll be able to look back and say....'Well, they weren't as bad as that lot I played to at the Littentree in November '09!!' (Apparently it's not normally that bad in there....just a disclaimer, I wouldn't want to put anyone off!! Comedy is WIN!)

Big respect to Jo and any and all who have the balls to go out and do it.

I surely don't!!

Saturday, 7 November 2009

Backpackers Packing List

Some of you know that I'm planning on spending April, May and June next year travelling around South East Asia.

I say plan because although I've booked the time off work, I haven't yet organised my flights and have just lost my passport!! I fully intend on getting there, but one doesn't want to tempt fate.

So, I've been thinking about what to pack and I've been looking at a number of websites that purport to advise you on what to take. It seems that the rule of thumb is as follows:

Make a list of the minimum you're happy to take and decide how much money you think you'll need. Then...when it comes to packing, halve the amount of stuff you intended on taking and double the amount of money.

Hummmm.

I'm planning on taking a relatively small bag, 35 litre maximum. Apart from the fact that it's been recommended by most people I've spoken to, I KNOW how grumpy I get when I have to hump luggage around everywhere with me, and it's best to avoid that. This means I'll have to pack savvy. A large amount of stuff I could pick up when I arrive in Bangkok, and much cheaper than I could buy it here, but there are things I must have before I leave.

Here's a list of stuff I have in mind to take with me, it needs honing and if any world travellers come across this somehow I'd really value your input!

Clothing:
2 vests
2 long sleeved shirts (pick uppable in Bangkok?)
One long skirt and one pair of convertible lightweight trousers
OR
2 pairs of lightweight trousers
4 pairs of undies
3 or 4 pairs of socks
Bikini/Swimmy cozzy
Cardie/Jumper
Poncho/Rain Mac
TEVA shoes (I'm getting for xmas....wew hew)

Accessories:
Camera
Silk sleeping bag liner
Microfibre towel
Mossie Net
Mossie Repellent
Leatherman
Duct Tape
Torch
Notebook and pen (prittstick?)
Lighter
Earplugs
Bandana
Sarong
Padlock
Suncream
Sunglasses
Sewing kit
Sandwich bags/ziplock bags
iPod

First Aid Kit:
Painkillers
Micropore Tape
Dioralyte
Immodium
Plasters

Toiletries:
Universal cleanser
Dental floss
Toothbrush
Toothpaste

And also all the necessary paperwork of course! Passport, tickets, insurance and vaccination details, cash and bank card. Photocopies of everything.

People always say take a travel belt, but I'm umming and ahhing about this. First off, unless you get a super-swishy one they're likely to be hot and annoying against your skin in warm weather. Secondly, if you're targeted by a thief, chances are they'll know you're likely to have one and will take or slash it. My plan is to take a daysack and sew pockets into either that or the rucksack and put my passport etcinto those. So even if someone comes along and slashes the bottom of your bag, they don't fall out.

It may seem quite a bit, but a lot of the items are very small and others pack down quite small.

Optional extras would include:

Washing Line
Compass
Alarm Clock
Guide Book
Eating/drinking utensils


I'm also CONSIDERING buying a netbook to take with me, but it adds weight...and there's also the risk of theft. I'd make sure it was insured!! The benefits are that I can take advantage of the wi-fi I know is prevalent (except in the very remote places), keep in touch with people, and blog my heart out!

There are things I'm bound to have forgotten, as well as stuff I haven't even thought about. Any suggestions/advice/criticism (of the constructive variety) would be very welcome. Also, any suggestions for brand/model of backpack!

Thank you very muchness ladies and gents.

Friday, 6 November 2009

Doughnuts


Doughnuts are sabotaging me!

Or is it the people who keep buying them?

Greggle, Linda, Wilfy and I have this thing going on with morning teabreak. We often buy Krispy Kremes for special occassions, the obligatory 'birthday' doughnuts, the 'PAYDAY!!' doughnuts.

Recently a worrying pattern, or rather...non-pattern has begun to emerge. Since when has anyone heard of 'welcome back from your long weekend' doughnuts, or 'I feel like a doughnut today' doughtnuts?

Or, god forbid......'it's Wednesday' doughnuts.

This is the way it's been going recently.

Yesterday we indulged in 'Becki's back from holiday and I fancy a doughnut' Krispy Kremes, bought by the lovely Greggle. Or rather....paid for by the lovely Greggle who sent me out to get them along with his Ploughmans lunch Meal Deal for £2 from Tesco. I've been meaning to get back on the dieting wagon for some time, and I'd thought I could be good today after yesterdays Krispy Kreme based excesses.

I forgot about the coffee morning.

I walk into the Starling Room only to be confronted by four massive plates of doughnuts. They weren't Krispy Kremes, but they were soft, floury goodness filled with jam or topped with chocolate!

THEN!!

They told us we couldn't have one until 11am! It was 10:50am. How dare they do this to us! Two huge plates of doughnuts were placed directly in front of our faces, and we were explicitly ordered not to touch them for ten minutes!

As Linda suggested...cruel and unusual punishment...we must have done something truely evil in our past lives.

Of course as soon as the doughnut distributors walked out of the room, after we had promised to guard the doughnuts with our lives, Greg dove in. He then spent most of the next minute and a half trying to consume the thing as quickly as possible, paranoid that the doughnut people would come back to check on the situation.

Pre-11am, we staged a countdown, paper plates at the ready. We were truely a sight to behold.

They were delicious I must say...and not too stingy on the jam, which is always the main concern of a discerning doughnut connoisseur.

As more people turned up the doughnuts did start to disappear slowly. One thing we noticed is that people seem relatively calm whilst there are 5 or more doughnuts still on the plate. This changes once the all important fifth doughnut is taken away.

Beads of perspiration start to appear on upper lips, eye's dart nervously between unguarded doughnuts, empty paper plate and possibly sources of competition around the room, feet shuffle. And then it happens, three, four, or......sadly....five people simultaneously make a dash for the plate. Inevitably someone is crushed in the ensuing mayhem, one person, in their state of heightened doughnut lust, steals two, and flees the room pursued by a baying crowd of angry academics on a sugar-high.

Ok....that last part only happened once..but I can't let it go, it was too funny.

In summation, ladies and gentlemen...don't eat too many doughnuts, they're bad for your health.

p.s...don't bother trying to suggest that I may use my extensive self-control to NOT EAT doughnuts when they're put in front of me. That's just silly talk.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Barcelona Bloggage

I've got some nice stuff up for you to read and look at now :)

Promise!!

Here.......

Treading the fine line

I just sent an email to our Facilities people asking for some lab floors to be stripped and sealed. The guys in the lab are a little concerned about some sensitive lasers and microscopes in the lab and don't want the janitors to be bashing great big floor polishers into them...fair enough! So they're planning on putting up warning signs on the very sensitive bits.

Most of the janitors that work here are South American and so speak Spanish and Portugese. We've had a couple of instances in the past where they've had trouble understanding stupid wordy signs that people have left up for them (I may have been a culprit...you can tell which ones are mine by the silly smily faces I put all over them).

When I emailed the helpdesk I put in a line saying 'they're planning on putting warning signs up on the very sensitive equipment. Would English suffice or would your operatives prefer Spanish/Portugese?' Then I deleted it...then I put it back in again....then I deleted it.

First off, I was worried that I was somehow insinuating that the janitors wouldn't be clever enough to just be careful having been told by their manager that they should be careful, that we must also put up signs to remind them.

Secondly, I was worried that I was somehow insinuating that, just because they choose to chat to each other in their native tongue, they don't have a firm enough grasp on the english language to understand a warning sign.

When really, all I'm trying to do is make sure the users equipment doesn't get damaged, and that the janitors know where they're at in terms of what they need to avoid.

Political, social and cultural correctness makes my brain turn to mush....I'll just carry on being nice.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

I'm baaaaaaaaack!! Did you miss me?




I know you did...no need to confirm. I'll take any lack of commentage as an affirmative, thankyouplease :o)

Well, most of you probably know of the initial debacle of the holiday, I shan't go on about it again, as all the details have already been ranted through here on my travel/holiday bloggage. I'll link again once I've started to blog the wonderful time Nicki and I had after the pickpocketing bonanza!!

I've only been back a few hours if you consider Nicki and I got back at about midnight last night, so I haven't had much time to do anything too embarrassing or stupid to blog for you yet I'm afraid. I'm sure it won't take long and that by this afternoon or tomorrow I shall be brimming with yet more excitement, exciting things from my world that I simply must share with you.
For now, I'll leave you with a few of my favourite snaps from the last 5 days :o) xx

(incidentally, in real time, I've just escaped from my room for fear that the bloke working in the loft will actually come through my ceiling! I've never heard such a rackett! I'll let you know how that goes)


La Seu Cathedral in Barcelonas Gothic region

The 'Cascada' in Parc de la Ciutadella

Arc de Triomf - yes, Barcelona has one too!

Amazing sculptures on the roof terrace of Gaudi's 'La Pedrera'

Gaudi's La Sagrada Familia - and cranes

Parc de Montjuic at dusk

Gaudi's Parc Guell - reminds me of the gingerbread house!