Lazy Day

I'm having a very lazy day today, as of now, I'm still in bed having got up once for breakfast and a cup of tea.

I've played Civ, read some Prince2 Project Management training stuff.....oh the jargon, and now I'm back on the interwebz faffing like a faffer.

I've been on ICHC and I just have to ask you Jo...is this Mornington???!!


Now we know what that yowling was last week...keep her away from those goats.

Slap on the electrodes, strap me in and spin me till I vom!!

I don't know....the things I do in the name of education!

It's that time of year again at work, time for the Barany Chair practical. In brief, this practical demonstrates how the fluid of the inner ear behaves whilst a subject is being spun, and its involvement in our sense of balance. Apparently the Barany chair is used extensively in training student pilots and also in motion sickness therapy.....I can believe that last one.

Normally I would help Bruce out during the practical, but I'm away on a course during the week it's running, so he has recruited a new victim, one of our colleagues Nick. Today was the runthrough for the practical, two people are needed to run the practical and as Nick was being briefed on the equipment for the first time, guess who got to be the 'subject'.

Me!!

Yeay

Behold the instruments of my torture:

The Barany chair itself. This beauty is permanently installed in one of our lecture theatres. I wish I'd been there during the pre-project phase of the refurb:

'Ok, well, I think we've got this almost wrapped up, is there anything you'd like to add? Any special requirements'

'Well...there is one, 'special' requirement'

'That's fine, let's talk about it, what do you need?'

'It's a chair'

'This is a lecture theatre, don't you have enough chairs already?'

'A dentists chair'

'.............a dentists chair?'

'Yes'

'Okaaay, I'll ask th-'

'We're not finished...it has to spin round and round like an egg beater on crack!'

'I er-'

'And it needs a seatbelt....cos of the spinning you see'

I also wonder what everyone thinks, when they come to the theatre for a maths or chemistry lesson, of the instrument of torture lurking in the corner, fascinating and yet infusing you with an intangible terror.

Check these babies out, an array like this would strike fear into the heart of the bravest man.

I would like to begin by pointing out that the bottle is NOT lube, thanks for that, put your tiny minds back in the gutter!! We have:

Electrode gel

Alcohol wipes

Sticky electrodes

Tissues

Micropore tape

Some dodgy looking wires

and instructions for 'Connecting the Subject'

That's me that is....and so we begin.

Nick starts to gel me up with electrodes *winky winky*, one on the outside left eyesocket and one on the outside right eyesocket. Taping me up, plugging me in and sitting me down, until I look something like this:

You can't see this very well, but what I have hanging there round my neck is a transmitter with 2 9V batteries sellotaped to the outside. The electrodes hanging out of it are micropored almost to my eyeballs. It's just as well I was about to be strapped firmly into a spinning chair, walking down the corridor and onto the streets of London looking like this would very soon have me attacked I have no doubt! Plenty of excuse for a stop and search going on right here

This array of materials transmits my eye movements to the laptop Bruce has set up on the other end of the room. If you hadn't already been firmly seatbelted into the rather odd-looking furnishing then the initial phase of the practical would lull you into believing that maybe this practical is nowt but a glorified eye exam:

'Look straight ahead please'

'Now look to your left'

'and now to your right'

'and back straight ahead'

I followed Nicks instructions to the very letter. I was silently congratulating myself on knowing left from right when all of a sudden the mechanical beastie beneath me hummed into life and I was spun into action. The chair was the eggbeater...and I was the egg. It doesn't look very fast when you watch it, but when you're strapped in there you can feel the G's around your feet, feeling like they want to detach themselves from the rest of you.

As I was spinning, the little doohickey round my neck transmitted my eye movemnets to a computer set-up Bruce had on the other side of the room, displayed as a rapid up and down line on the projected screen.

This is SCIENCE baby!

I won't go into any more detail than that for fear of boring you to death. Suffice to say that I managed not to bring up the massive sausage and mash I'd just had for lunch...much to Nicks relief. Actually, for a while I became quite relaxed...that was after they blindfolded me and spun me round until I almost fell into a coma.

Here he is, looking so sweet and innocent, orchestrator of my nightmare.

It's alright for him....the electrodes had been put away by now!! He couldn't resist a little whirl in the chair though :D

Thank you Wiki

Mini Sprogs Blog!

Ah....to be an inspiration!

My ickle sister...well, not so ickle anymore at 23...has begun her own bloggage. Some of her texts have sent me into hysterics in the past so I'm muchly looking forward to updates on this little gem!!

Mini Sprogs Blog

Night all x

What are you thankful for?

Today is Thanksgiving in the US of A, celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November. I'm afraid I missed Canada's Thanksgiving on the second Monday in October...and for that I sincerely apologise!

I realised that, despite considering myself quite an intelligent and worldy wise human being....I know absolutely bugger all about Thanksgiving, apart from the fact that you must eat turkey until you feel you might burst. So I thought I'd do a bit of research:

- Thanksgiving is a harvest festival. It's the traditional time of year to give thanks for the harvest and to express gratitude in general.

We used to have Harvest Festivals at school, I guess this would have been around the same time of year. If I remember correctly we all used to bring a food item in from home and put them into baskets to take around to the old peoples home. I bet they loved that...screaming brats running around lobbing tins of SPAM at them. A kindness they could well do without.

- The First Thanksgiving according to American folklore is believed to have been performed by the Plymouth Colony at the Plymouth Plantation in 1621. It was in order to give thanks to God for a successful harvest and for seeing the pilgrims through a harsh winter. The feast lasted for 3 days and fed 53 pilgrims and 90 indians.

- Although Thanksgiving has religious roots, it's now considered a secular festival....WIN!

I suppose this is similar to Easter, try sitting todays child down and talking about the true meaning of Easter:

'Now, Tommy, do you know about how Jesus died on the cross for you?'

'I didun't DO it!'

'No, I know Tommy, he did it for ALL of us'

'I don't know no Jesus! And WHARRS MY CHOKLIT EGG???'

Eventually all festivals will become secular, not for the right reasons, but through the sheer idiocy of those bringing up children.

- I'm ecstatic to have learned about the National Thanksgiving Turkey Presentation. Every Thanksgiving, the National Turkey Federation presents the US President with two dressed turkeys and one live one. The live turkey is pardoned and sent away to a peaceful farm where it eventually dies happily, presumably of old age. Barak Obama honoured the tradition this year by pardoning a turkey named Courage for 26th November. Apparently in recent years, there have been 2 live turkeys presented, incase one unexpectedly become unavailable for Presidential pardoning. You know, a very important conference call or something.

I love that, I love that so much. I hope they all go to the same farm where they can swap stories about Presidents. I imagine poor overworked farm hands slaving over spoilt, mollycoddled Diva-turkeys wearing Gucci sunglasses.

- American Football is a Thanksgiving tradition, with professional games being played on Thanksgiving day. The National Football League has hosted games every year since it was founded...barring the WW2 years.

Another tradition is to think about what you're thankful for:

My amazing friends and family, special thanks to Nicki and Jobie

The fact that I'm in a job that I actually really enjoy

That I'm in a position to be able to organise and fund perspective-altering travels next year

The roof over my head

That I haven't felt sad enough to cry in a VERY long time

What are you thankful for today?

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Thanks to Wiki

GLEE17

Oggers and I went along to a new, and very local, open mike comedy show last night at the Rose and Crown on good old Hoe Street, GLEE17

The Rose and Crown is an awesome pub that always seems to have something going on, be it theatre, comedy, live music, and even art installations I believe. It's a little known fact that E17 is actually an artistic haven, despite the unfortunate association with a certain boy band. Just check out these guys for a taster of what it has to offer.

Anywhoo! It seems that E17 and the surrounding areas are also a hotbed of aspiring comedy talent, clearly I already knew this, care of the lovely Oggers, but it was really excellent to see so many people turning out for the opening of a new night. There were plenty of acts, but more importantly there was also plenty of audience. I've been to quite a few nights where, at least at the start of the evening, acts outnumber the audience...and even a couple of nights where the night was cancelled due to no audience whatsoever, which is a shame for the acts who've travelled out to perform. These evenings usually end up very drunken....why waste a good evening in a pub eh?

Jo did absolutely famously with her brother set at this gig, she stormed the night as far as I, and a few others whom I'll come onto later, were concerned. I've noticed a pattern, Jo does really well when she faffs around with the set a bit and ad-libs in front of alien audiences. I mean, new audience, not an audience of aliens, because that would just be weird. Take Monkey Business, Giggling Gibbon, and last night. All nights Jo has never done or doesn't do often, chances are they've never seen the set and she blows them away. I think with nights like Party Piece it can be a bit foreboding because you're wondering just how many people have seen this set before, how can I make it a bit different, and also, a sense of complacency can set in, it's too familiar.

From my point of view it was great because she threw bits in that I hadn't seen before, Linda pissed herself laughing and the audience really enjoyed it, especially the Guinness banter!

MORE NEW NIGHTS JO!! WE WANT MOAR MOAR MOAR!

Now, when we'd originally walked into the pub, Jo elbowed me and whispered 'Did you see Billy from Eastenders is in the pub?!'

I hadn't, for I am blind, but when we came back down into the pub proper I saw him with his mates, chilling with some drinks. No one was bothering him, but you could see people clocking him and doing a double take. We perched on a table nearby and stole glances every now and again, trying to be cool and subtle like everyone knows we are.

As the time for comedy approached more people started wandering upstairs to take their seats and...lo and behold, Billy (as we knew him at this point) and Co. got up to take their seats in the comedy audience.

Jo was playing to celebrity....Oh Em Gee

As I've already described, Jo stormed it, and during the break as we wandered past, 'Billy' grabbed her attention and started telling her how fantastic her set had been and that he'd peed himself laughing (actual words? Not sure). He then introduced Jo and I to his mates, shook our hands and introduced himself as Perry, which was a relief, I didn't want to accidentally call him Billy like the lameass I am.

The more Guinness I drank, I started to refer to him as Perry Mason...only to Jo thank gawd. It's clearly the only Perry reference I have stored away in my brain, and these things do tend to just pop out of the memory banks at inappropriate moments.

During the second half I was afforded the dubious pleasure of being invited onstage to punch a large comedian in the stomach, which I did with relish and glee. He'd dropped his codpiece earlier in the set and was clearly paranoid that I was going to miss and mash his testicles. I could see the fear in his eyes. If I was being given this opportunity I was going to make the most of it, so I didn't pull my punches (get it?). There was an audible 'oooooooh' from the audience as I walloped the fine fellow, and let me tell you, that gut was made of rock, my hand actually hurt a little bit afterwards.

After the show Jo and I faffed around a while, and as the night wore on and there were less and less people around, Perry and Co. invited us over to sit with them. I'm ashamed to admit that I have forgotten the lovely lady's name, though I seem to recall Julie or Julia maybe? I'm awful with names, that's clearly wrong, but I'm reasonably certain that his best mates name was Phil. Thus began a long, slightly drunken conversation about comedy, with the group lavishing Jo with the utmost praise and adoration. Jo's a bit like me in that she doesn't accept compliments well, and at some points she looked completely embarrassed which was very sweet.

I spent most of this time eyeing up a biscuit that was sitting on the table.

I resisted...just.

I also managed to resist asking for a picture to put on my blog. After we'd been so cool about the situation and managed not to mention Eastenders ONCE, I didn't feel I could turn around and expose myself for a gibbering star-struck FOOL of a woman who wanted to put what would probably be a rather poor photo of him up on tinterwebs.

I should have taken a photo of the biscuit!

We have pride...we managed to get home before we celebrated our new status as 'celeb' friends. Fab evening, and we learned that not all telly actors are vain knobends, Perry was the sweetest bloke!

Who ever knew basking in Jo's reflected glory could be so much fun?

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Birthday of Guinness

I don't know, woolly shennanigans and I STILL thought I deserved a party/drinkup. Talk about have your cake and eat it!

Jo and I made it in one piece, without any knitting needles embedded anywhere upon our person, and only slightly late, to Waxy O'Conners where I'd booked a little area to fill with all my favourite people on my birthday.

As we bimbled down the stairs we met the Steve who had been hanging around for at least half an hour already, and we made our way over to the little booked area where a couple of guys I didn't know sat looking sheepish.

I'd been quite anxious to get there on time, when you book an area you never know how long the establishment will wait for the first guest to turn up before they lose faith and open it up to the 'ugh' general public. You KNOW that as the person who booked it, you have to be there somewhat on time because your guests don't want to be the first people to arrive.

Turn up 20 minutes late and what you'll find is clusters of your friends hovering around the periphery of the 'booked zone', as if there's some kind of inpenetrable forcefield surrounding it.

So Jo and I dragged Stevie through the forcefield and plonked ourselves down, the two interlopers left pretty soon, they could probably feel the force radiating off of me as I prepared to ask them to scarper. The next people to turn up were Wilf and his mate Beck, and Norm.

I tell a wee lie, we knew that Kyle was somewhere in the building, he had been deflected even further by the aforementioned forcefield...to the point where we couldn't actually locate him! Not entirely our fault, this place is labyrinthine and when I went looking I soon lost all faith in my meagre sense of direction and returned, tail between legs, to wait for him to find us. Find us he did and we had a little crowd forming.

Vicky and her blokie Dan turned up next. As you probably guessed, the buying of drinks had started immediately upon arrival, and from the word go I was never without a pint in hand and another ready on the table! So when Dan asked if I'd like another drink and I indicated my next pint ready to go, he asked if I'd like a short. I didn't want to be rude now did I?? I asked for a sambuca....one shot....I can deal with that. Fine.

By the end of the evening I'd had 5 sambuca (3 care of Dan and 2 care of some lovely ladies I'll mention in a minute) and one shot of tequila...care of Clara). How am I still alive?

Then Kayleigh and Tom arrived, gagging for some foodage, they both ordered chicken burgers. They took a while to arrive, but when they did! I don't think I've seen a burger that huge in my entire life!!



Wilf and Beck sidled off after one drink, I can't say I blame them, they'd been out wandering in the rain and had come from a nice quiet restaurant into a loud blaring bar full of loud blaring people. Thank you guys very much for coming if you're reading this, it was great to see you there :)

The music in the place I must say was excellent, very poppy/rocky and very easy to dance to, just my thing!! Just as well, if I hadn't been dancing I think those shots would have knocked me right out. Everyone else turned up at almost the same time at about ten o'clock or maybe a bit later. I'd just said hi to Mark, Clara and Leney when Nicki tapped me on the shoulder, she'd arrived with Helen and Harry...and most importantly....my BIRTHDAY CAKE! There was a stir of excitement as she placed it on the table and went to remove the cover:



Oh yes...just what we need in an Irish pub :D. I managed to mutilate it before we did the whole candle-blowing-out thing, much to Nicki's disgust.....it was blimmin delicious! Sponge and jam, nom nom nom!!!! What a fab icing job though eh people?

Of course, you always get your characters on a night out. We had the 2 drunken Irish 'Party Police' as they called themselves, who harrassed us at various points in the evening. I threw them out when one came onto Nicki, but they came back later after I'd invited a gaggle of girlies into the area. They'd been standing and dancing outside of the forcefield and they seemed a laugh so I invited them in. By this point in the evening the rest of the bar was packed and my mates and I were enjoying an oasis of relative peace and calm in the centre, so I thought they'd benefit too. These were the lovely ladies who bought me 2 sambucas in thanks for letting them in. Bless! I invited them to join in the blowing out of candles and singing happy birthday seeing as they were also celebrating 2 birthdays.

The picture takers of the evening were Steevie, and the 'official' photographer Norman :). I've yet to see Norms pics, and I'll add some here when I do, but as you can see from Steves pics.....they witnessed some fun and games as the evening wore on!




When we got thrown out of the place at midnight most people went home, Jo and I carried on briefly to a bar somewhere (I canny remember the name) where we had a few more drinks and talked to innocent victims about knitting. We then proceeded to sleep all the way home on the nightbus and then attack Western Fried Chicken at about 4am......it was a good night, oh yes.

Thank you to absolutely everyone who came along and made my birthday drinks so wicked, love to you all :o)

Crafts of Yarn

You might be wondering, what could possibly top my pre-birthday wonderment eh?

I'll tell you what could top it, forget the drinks with all my best mates and my sis that I'd arranged for later in the day, forget that.

I was going wool shopping....oh yes. Teasels Yarncrafts, the last refuge of the over 70's, because church is soo last year.

We walked in....agog.........there were OTHER PEOPLE in the shop. We had expected tumbleweed and a pride of feral cats. It was actually relatively busy. As we wandered, dazed and confused through the aisle of yarnz, a helpful chap approached.

'Hello, can I help you?'

*glazed look* 'We're...uh....looking for wool'

*subtle (but not enough) roll of the eyes* 'yes, well, we have lots of that, now what type of wool are you after?'

We just looked at each other in a vaguely 'we should have prepared ourselves more thoroughly' kind of way and shrugged our shoulders, at which point he took on the 'I'm talking to a pair of infants' voice and led us over to the wool section.

'Ok, so, are you looking for something you can wash in the machine, sponge wash, dry clean?'

We were still reeling from the 'what type?' question.

*Shrug*

'Okkkkk, what are you making?'

'Scarf.....scarf'

You could almost see him sigh internally with relief, praise the lord, thank gawd they're not attempting anything harder than a scarf.

'Ok, so, we have our extra chunky, quite chunky, a bit chunky......chunky......not so chunky, less chunky, not very chunky at all.....and cotton'.

'Um, quite chunky please'

Me: 'I WANT THAT ONE!!'

'Yes, quite chunky is good fo.........'

'I WANT THAT ONE!! THAT ONE THERE' *pointing*

He gave me the wool.

The best part was when he asked in a very grave manner, 'Now, have either of you knitted before??'

He asked this question like someone asking an overenthusiastic 5 year-old cliff jumper, 'have you done this before?'. Knitting is clearly a serious business and fraught with danger, I mean, you could take an eye out if you're not careful. Jo took great joy and pride in showing him her scarf that she's just finished, and even greater pleasure in telling him it took her 3 years to complete *pride*.

When Jo asked for some help 'casting on', we were shooed towards the resident knitter lady, she looked like a proper knitting pro she did, someone you could trust to steer you steady down the white water rapids of yarncraft.

'Ooooh, no....I don't know the thumb method'

'No?'

'Ohhhhh, no, my three knitters are sick....yes...you'll have to come back, yes'

'Er, ok'

'Well....I could show you the two needle method......left-handed'

'We'll come back, thanks'

Bloody useless knitting numpty.

Thus....we spent almost the rest of our free time before going out trying to learn casting on from videos on youtube....here's the most helpful one...in case you ever find yourself in need of handy knitting tips.....you know who I'm talking to, Wilfred, there's even hints on how to 'knit like a man'.

I say we, Jo is in fact the one doing all of the work, I just shout at the people in TY. I say try because by this point we'd had nigh on 3 pints of beer, and it's amazing how this can impair the delicate manipulation of wool and needles that is required to bring about 'casting on', it also impairs your ability to effectively focus upon the youtube video teaching you how to perform such a feat. Needless to say, we failed miserably. It preyed visibly on Jo's mind for the rest of the evening.

Learning casting on from a man on tinterwebz

In case you were wondering, I don't think I've explained myself fully, the reason for this glorious birthday trip to Teasels Yarncraft was to buy wool for the scarf Jo is knitting me for Birthmas. The wool I picked was lovely, all Autumn colours which will create stripes in the scarf.

The scarf was begun successfully the following morning after the 'casting on' method was carefully processed within the intoxicated minds of drunks overnight. I'm reliably informed that it's about a foot long already, huzzah!!

Jo and my scarf are clearly made of WIN.