The Number 7 Weirdest Crush

Ahhhhhhh

I have a crush on him too...he should have been Number 1 as far as I'm concerned!! Michael McIntyre is the man I'm talking about, and the competition is Heat Magazines top 25 weirdest crushes...Number 7 my arse, look at that lovely shiny floppy hair!

Weird crushes FTW :D

Nicki and I booked half days for yesterday, Nicki booked AAAGGGES ago back in August for us to see Michael McIntyre at the O2 for my birthday, and we decided for the sake of our nerves and stress levels that we would book into a nearby hotel overnight after the concert. So we took off at 1pm from our independent locations.....and I EVENTUALLY met her at Bank after a horrible round-the-houses detour care of someone under a train at Kings Cross :(

2 x DLR later and we find ourselves at the 'Custom House for ExCeL' stop. Strange name for a station stop, but this is the DLR, running solely on the whim of a bored-looking man with a key and a well-thumbed copy of 'Lesbian Dwarf Porn' monthly sticking out of his back pocket.

We get off, have a glance around and Nicki announces:

'I don't know where the hotel is from here you know'

**glare** 'are you serious?'

**embarrassed look**

'Do you at least know the name?'

'Custom...er.....Custom House Hotel?'

'Ok, so it shouldn't be far.........you DICK!!'

'Look...a map! I think it's on this road...this one here......aherm'

'Hmmmmm'

'Er.....Becki'

'What!'

'Look'

And there it was, visible from the very platform we were standing on. I felt relieved, Nicki felt suitably justified in her appalling organisational skills (haw haw..she'll kill me for that) and we wandered over to the hotel.

We immediately, of course, noticed the pub next door. The plan was to check in, dump our stuff, have a pub lunch and then fill some time faffing around before heading off to the O2.

We headed towards 'PUB' after dumping said stuff only to be told it didn't open till 5.

FIVE!!

What about the lunchtime trade?? FINE!! We'll go to the one over the road then....no....we don't want your stinky 'Café' or 'Chinese Restaurant'. Pub food was had....and rather nice, although my onion gravy didn't have anything discernable as onion in it. Nicki spent most of the time threatening to attack the bar person with her half a grilled beef tomato which she had asked them to leave off, but had dished up anyway...apparently 'it comes on the side, you can take it off yourself'.

After being suitably sated and trawling the entite ExCeL Centre for a Costa that had cream (unsuccessfully), Nicki and I returned to the hotel with sweet treats and hot drinks, whereupon, despite carefully laid plans to do some interesting things....we laid and watched 'The Biggest Loser USA', 'How Clean is Your House?', 'Friends' and 'Scrubs' for a few hours.

We finally dragged ourselves out to get to the O2 Centre for about 7pm. Clearly, the most important thing was to make sure we were sustained throughout the show, so we bought some over-priced O2 hotdogs...clearly laced with gold...and 2 pints of Becks Vier, the O2 standard lager!

I'm pretty sure were were only charged for one beer, so IN YOUR FACE O2!! That was only going to happen once..so we made sure we enjoyed those beers.

Thoroughly excited, we found our level and our entrance and bimbled down to find an angel directing us to our seating. Ok, so he wasn't actually an angel, I think he was of African descent and he had cool hair and really nice eyes and DIMPLES! We were sat quite close to him, so he was my amusement until the man himself came on! Nicki and I were verily excited, the O2 is incredibly huge and slightly overwhelming, the sheer number of people they can fit in is amazing. More and more people streamed in, and then the lights went down and everyone started clapping, the little intro sequence started playing and the tiny, shiny haired, pink-shirted, camp little man bounced out skipping onto the stage!

I tell you what, I feel sorry for the camera and lighting men who have to chase Michael all over the stage for the duration of his performance, he doesn't seem to ever stop moving. I guess you can't blame him, it would be a shame to be given a stage that huge and waste it. Waste it he did not!

As I expected, the show was fantastic, his bit on naked guys in the gym changing room was hilarious, and the observational stuff on Christmas was the kind of stuff that has you nodding and crying along in recognition. I love the fact that he uses his family, in particular, his wife, so much in his set. This might be because I once saw him and his family at London Zoo together, and it brings it home that he is actually a real person, and it seems to me, one of the only comedians who is 'normal'. It's a long running joke that all comedians are screwed up in some way or another, extremely attention seeking/anxious/alcoholic/depressed/insert appropriate adjective. It's refreshing to see one so (apparently) settled and happy with himself and his situation.

We got another beer during the interval....

We bimbled home straight after the show, and Nicki decided it was time for another one in the pub before bed...I've created a monster!

So, a pint of Guinness and a Peroni (I think) and a couple of packets of crisps (so much for the diet yesterday), and we were sitting chatting in the pub when a rather intoxicated gentleman approaches us, speaking in a strong Welsh accent. He goes round to chat to Nicki and a younger (late 30's early 40's) bloke comes up and tells us it's his uncle Ken. Lovely.

After talking to the younger chap for roughly 2 minutes I'm pretty convinced he sent his drunk uncle over as an excuse to get talking to us. I'd rather be talking to drunk uncle to be honest!!

Anyway, drunk uncle Ken leaves eventually and we're left talking to Mark. He turns out not to be so bad. One of those high-earning guys who lacks the ability to really talk to women and resorts to talking about his business and his property etc etc etc. After our pints we bid him adieu and headed off to bed.

The day was a fantastic one, thank you so much Nicki for buying tickets to see the Master of Comedy and skipping, I really enjoyed the day yesterday :D

I'm off home to release Sage and 5 Spice...

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One Lovely Evening

I had a genuinely lovely evening last night. Now, this doesn't mean to say that I don't quite often have great evenings out with mates and such, but last night was extra lovely, making me want to blog blog about it!

I messaged Oggers on Thursday asking what she was up to on Friday night, I was free and had recieved an online invite to Comedy Festival at the Canal Café Theatre near Little Venice, seemed like it could be fun. It was a night Tom had organised and he soon threw his 2p in online and let us know about the Facebookers half price tickets, which pretty much sealed the deal.

Jo and I bimbled over after work and got there pretty early, time enough for a quick one before the show started, which is always good!

The show itself was cool, 4 acts, and the audience small but perfectly formed, 12 of us altogether. We was good clappers we was :D. The first act has the hard job of warming the audience up, especially one as small and personal as our one last night, but I thought he was awesome, as he was on Party Piece on Thursday. The other three I had never seen before and I thought all 3 were great. The last guy had Jo almost pissing into her pint with his sandwich joke. She lives that sandwich conundrum every single day of her life...I can just tell.

The loveliness of the evening was really embodied...for me...by the drinks afterwards though.

There had been a couple, who I think were on a date, in the audience and I had briefly chatted to the lady in the loo....as you do....during the show, she was very lovely. When the show finished we found ourselves chatting to this couple outside the bar, alongside Tom, one of the acts and a few friends of friends etc. Their names were Theresa and Ali and he was obviously a massive fan of comedy, I think she was just dipping her toe and was very interested in the whole process like......how the hell do they get up there? I ask myself the same question every time I watch Jo go up...*shudder*. Just before they left she asked where Jo performed and said she'd be coming to Monkey Business on Thursday to watch her. Whether she actually turns up or not is neither here nor there, it was great of her to say she'd come along for moral support specifically to see Jo.

Awwwwwww

Then we spent the rest of the evening chatting to Tom, Henry (one of the comedians), Toms mate Alex and her mate Cameron mainly. By now much (too much) beer had been consumed by all parties and the conversation was at some points disgusting, at some points sombre, but consistently entertaining. Eventually we found ourselves the last people outside the pub and someone was trying to take away the pint of beer that we had found and were sharing between us.......ahem. Cameron in particular was loathe to give it up.

So we waddled off in our separate directions, Henry and Tom on bikes, Jo, Cameron and I heading to Royal Oak. Cameron was another of last nights gems lol, very funny, but insists he would die a slow torturous death on stage. He kept Jo and I muchly entertained throughout an arduous journey home involving sitting on the tube platform for quarter of an hour before being informed there's be no trains for AGES, getting a nightbus back to Great Portland Street and trying to decide what to do from there. Very lovely man, even if he had taken to calling me 'Frustrated (at one point possibly even 'desperate') Girl', due to an earlier conversation. I suppose I can forgive small evils.

We parted ways near Euston Station and Jo and I stood and faffed around for a while trying to decide what to do before waving down a cab and asking him to stop at a cashpoint. Big waste of money....but at that time of the morning without an obvious way home...and with Jo dying for a pee...we decided 'feck it!!'

Home was found and chips and chocolate were purchased. We both passed out on the sofa.

If it hadn't have been for having to take that bloody rip-off cab it would have been a perfect evening!! Best mate, comedy, friendly aquaintances, friendly strangers and plenty of Guinness. One simply cannot complain, can one?

Thank you Jo and Tom, for a fabulous evening xx

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Farms and beer and doughnuts

I've been told off for being lazy with my blog! I'm back :o)

So Sunday was a good one!! Jo and I went to FARM, it was lovely, and Jo made a fwiend...seee! We saw goats, sheep and lambs, a sad donkeh, chickens, geese, ducks, piggies....er,er. I think that may be it, I'm sure Jo will correct me if I forget anything. The farm was cool, it was like a little eco-warrior haven in the middle of Hackney.

So, we followed our alcoholic noses to a pub just down the road, fully intending to return to the farm for feeding time......needless to say, we missed feeding time. We were busy supping pints and perving on fit rowers on the telleh (Oxford Cambridge boat race).

So afterwards we wandered to Hackney, heading in a vaguely homewards direction, looking for another suitable drinking hole. Our only criteria was that it served beer, so onwards to the Cock Tavern it was. I was needing a widdle by this point, so straight into the loo I'd just walked past on the way in. My first surprise was that the door to the ladies appeared to open out into a small outside area into which someone had unceremiously stuffed a small plastic table, umbrella and plastic chair ensemble. Now....I know I had signed up for a day of getting down and dirty with nature....but seriously? Then I noticed the door on my right.....shortly afterwards I wished I hadn't. I'd never been in a toilet like this in my life. The smell of urine was overpowering, the toilet roll was kitchen roll, there was no toilet seat, the plastic cistern was covered in cigarette burns and......shite. I've spent many a merry hour taking the piss out of ladies who paper the toilet seat, or worse, hover over public toilet seats. These kinds of ladies would have walked straight out of this loo, but me being me...and pretty desperate...I had to do the old squat and hover. It was at this point I was painfully reminded of how long it's been since I last did any squatting whatsoever, in any circumstances. In fact...I can still feel it now, as I type, a vicious reminder of how unfit I am. I've blocked it out, but pretty sure the legs gave way in the end *shudder*. I wished I'd gone and pissed in the courtyard.

After which I returned to the bar and spotted the newer, cleaner toilets at the other end of the bar. Damn my bladder!!

Aaaaaanywhoo, next pub was the Bootlaces, right near Jobies place, in which we stayed for a few. 2 pints of Guinness, mmmmmmm, Guinnesssssss. Jo had some fly intestine with hers too....and she calls herself a vegetarian. There was some kind of birthday party going on and it was slowly getting more and more messy, I can only imagine what the place would have been like had we stayed till closing!

More beers picked up on the way home.....mmmmmmmm. Back to Jo's and DOMINOS!!!!! Oh I love dominos!! I really do love it. I had saved money back especial and everything. Best part of an hour later it hadn't arrived, so we called back and got our garlic bread free! 2 meals for a grand total of £10.50. Did I mention I love Dominos??

....my apologies, this entry is becoming a bit haphazard, I have sausages cooking ready for a sandwich and I'm getting excited......

Lastly....I ate 3 Krispy Kreme doughnuts today :( Massive sugar crash at about 2pm! What am I gnna do with meself??