MishMash

I find myself physically and mentally exhausted after a tough evening yesterday, for full details (and photographic evidence) of the 'Big Clean' you must visit Ogs Blog....for a laugh if nothing else. Yes, Ogs and I spent nigh on 3 hours last night performing a thorough deep clean of her flat. Housework not being a favoured pastime of the masses, let alone for Jo and I, I feel I now need to explain our twisted actions.

Jobie has been in her flat in the Stow for seven or eight years now and I think she's got to the point where she wants to upgrade, move onto something new and a bit exciting. I'm in a situation where, as I'm travelling for 3 months next year, I'll be moving back in with the folks before I leave and living there for as long as necessary when I get back. As I'm sure I've said before in a previous post, I love my parents to bits, but this won't last long if I have to move in for an extended period of time.

As such, Ogs and Sprogs find themselves in something which could turn out to be a win win situation! If Jobie finds a nice little 2-bed place (lovenest-place-lovenest) then I can rent the second bedroom and Jobie cuts her costs! Jo has more money, I don't have to harrass my mother and father to within an inch of their sanity.....and we both get to live with our best mate!

Of course there are the obvious hurdles. I turned to Jo the other day with a concerned look on my face and asked:

'But Jo.....what about when one of us gets married??'

At which point we creased up in laughter......ok, maybe that's not such a massive hurdle after all.

We have already agreed on a few House Rules:

1) In order to maintain friendship, Ogs and Sprogs need a dishwasher. One loads ones own washing up into the dishwasher and when it is full, dishwasher goes on. Under NO circumstances must one put dirty washing up into a dishwasher full of clean crockery due to laziness.

2) When we get chikinz, they will look like this:

Soz Ogs, I know it's not the same one...I couldn't find the pikture!

3) Becki's shit stays in Becki's room. I'm not referring to actual, you know, faeces, there is a time and a place for that. I shall be living in Og's house, no matter how I might like to dress it up to potential man-shapes, and therefore I shall do my utmost to refrain from creating a front-room reminiscent of a Becki-themed psychotic episode. I shall not soil my own room, nor set fire to anything....but there is a chance it shall be a tad.....unkempt. I shall sleep naked and without bedcovers, sans routine, in order to prevent Jo peeking in on the untidyness too frequently. It's for her own good.

4) Men......we haven't quite decided what will happen here, though I suspect that if I think he is no good for her I shall glare at him over breakfast and then accidentally spear his face with a screwdriver whilst doing some 'DIY'. I'm sure Jo is not as cruel and would simply cover him in jam and let Mornington love him to death.

Whatever happens, I'm sure we won't remain single for long...............*cough*

5) No farting if we're expecting company within the hour, no missing the toilet.

I shall post up new rules as and when we come up with them.

Criteria for our lovenest originally included a pony paddock and underground dungeon, however, we were disappointed that most properties seemed only to offer one or the other....or neither.....never both. You can't have a pony paddock without the dungeon, it's just not right.

So, we decided to settle for a garden and a shed, where we shall hold captive unsuspecting victims. Feeding them up until they're too obese to move unaided, at which point we'll take them out for a roll around the garden. Yes, we HAVE actually discussed all this, it's a plan Batpeople.

SO, to take us back to the beginning, the reason Jo and I were scrubbing our hands raw last night is because an Estate Agent was coming to value the flat tonight.....

AND THE BASTARD HASN'T TURNED UP!!

I frigging hate estate agents.....what tossers

Now I've got that out of my system I need to rush off and do my hair.....make the bed and get an early night ready for a horrendously early morning with Toast Masters (more about that tomorrow I expect)

Image cred: lolhome.com

Farms and beer and doughnuts

I've been told off for being lazy with my blog! I'm back :o)

So Sunday was a good one!! Jo and I went to FARM, it was lovely, and Jo made a fwiend...seee! We saw goats, sheep and lambs, a sad donkeh, chickens, geese, ducks, piggies....er,er. I think that may be it, I'm sure Jo will correct me if I forget anything. The farm was cool, it was like a little eco-warrior haven in the middle of Hackney.

So, we followed our alcoholic noses to a pub just down the road, fully intending to return to the farm for feeding time......needless to say, we missed feeding time. We were busy supping pints and perving on fit rowers on the telleh (Oxford Cambridge boat race).

So afterwards we wandered to Hackney, heading in a vaguely homewards direction, looking for another suitable drinking hole. Our only criteria was that it served beer, so onwards to the Cock Tavern it was. I was needing a widdle by this point, so straight into the loo I'd just walked past on the way in. My first surprise was that the door to the ladies appeared to open out into a small outside area into which someone had unceremiously stuffed a small plastic table, umbrella and plastic chair ensemble. Now....I know I had signed up for a day of getting down and dirty with nature....but seriously? Then I noticed the door on my right.....shortly afterwards I wished I hadn't. I'd never been in a toilet like this in my life. The smell of urine was overpowering, the toilet roll was kitchen roll, there was no toilet seat, the plastic cistern was covered in cigarette burns and......shite. I've spent many a merry hour taking the piss out of ladies who paper the toilet seat, or worse, hover over public toilet seats. These kinds of ladies would have walked straight out of this loo, but me being me...and pretty desperate...I had to do the old squat and hover. It was at this point I was painfully reminded of how long it's been since I last did any squatting whatsoever, in any circumstances. In fact...I can still feel it now, as I type, a vicious reminder of how unfit I am. I've blocked it out, but pretty sure the legs gave way in the end *shudder*. I wished I'd gone and pissed in the courtyard.

After which I returned to the bar and spotted the newer, cleaner toilets at the other end of the bar. Damn my bladder!!

Aaaaaanywhoo, next pub was the Bootlaces, right near Jobies place, in which we stayed for a few. 2 pints of Guinness, mmmmmmm, Guinnesssssss. Jo had some fly intestine with hers too....and she calls herself a vegetarian. There was some kind of birthday party going on and it was slowly getting more and more messy, I can only imagine what the place would have been like had we stayed till closing!

More beers picked up on the way home.....mmmmmmmm. Back to Jo's and DOMINOS!!!!! Oh I love dominos!! I really do love it. I had saved money back especial and everything. Best part of an hour later it hadn't arrived, so we called back and got our garlic bread free! 2 meals for a grand total of £10.50. Did I mention I love Dominos??

....my apologies, this entry is becoming a bit haphazard, I have sausages cooking ready for a sandwich and I'm getting excited......

Lastly....I ate 3 Krispy Kreme doughnuts today :( Massive sugar crash at about 2pm! What am I gnna do with meself??